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I used to have a lot of friends, but due to his jealous nature
Hello, My name is Nyana. I am 23 years old. I am a student of computer science in my second year. I will be finishing my course end of next year. The reason I am writing to you is because I have been having an on and off problem with my boy friend who is also my husband-to-be although we are not engaged yet. I don’t know whether problems such as mine, are common in every relationship. But since this is the man I intend to get married to, I feel that I better get help and advice. His name is Anand. Please don’t get me wrong. Anand is a wonderful person. He is very sweet. And I know that he loves me with all his heart. Even when we were having problems with my parents when they found out about me having a boy friend, he stood by me. And I know that I can depend and rely on him. He is a very romantic person at heart, and is very expressive about his feelings. No matter what he feels or thinks, he always voices it out. While, although I am romantic at heart too, I am less expressive. I find it difficult talking about how I feel. I therefore usually write down how I feel, and try expressing my feeling thorough what I write. Me being less expressive was a major problem between us. But when given time, I usually am able to come up front and tell him what I think or feel. So I would like to assume that, that is no longer a problem between us. But sometimes the expectations are really overwhelming. He is very possessive and protective. And that can be very agitating. I am a person who loves my freedom and I like meeting new people and going to new places, but because of his possessiveness, my movements and my friends are very restricted. I used to have a lot of friends, but due to his jealous nature, I no longer as much friends. He is also very suspicious. He wants me only for himself. And he expects me to stand to attention to him all the time. When he is around he expects to do nothing but to attend to all his needs. And he likes exaggerating petty issues, like flu or a cough, which is usually no big deal at all. He just wants me near pampering him all the time. It can get very tiring all the time. So basically he does not like me doing anything, but paying him all the attention he needs. Here is a confession; anand likes me giving him a blowjob that I just hate. I don’t know whether this is normal or not. But I just find such an act disgusting. He says that if we keep doing it we will get closer. I have told him how I feel, he understands one minute and he refuses to see my point the next minute. He likes going down on me, and he says that I should be fair and do the same for him. I told him that he does not have to go down on me, because it’s something that I crave for. So I just want to know, whether there is something wrong with me, for not wanting to indulge in such acts. There are so many things I want to ask you for help about. But since I don’t know what and where to start, I have made a list of things that disturb me. Anand is very possessive, protective and jealous. Forces me to give him a. Dislikes me spending time with anyone else but himself. Very fussy about himself. Makes fun about my dressing and weight to his and my friends. Blames me very often for every fight that we have. Says I have an attitude problem. The age gap between us is quite wise, I am 23 and he is 34. And therefore whatever I do he feels that I am being childish. I just hope that you will be able to give me some advice on how to handle him better, or maybe improve myself to make this relationship work. But please don’t tell me to leave him. Despite all these, I do still love him. I do hope you will help. Thank you.
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The age difference may be one of the big issues here. He has already experienced his twenties. He is ready to settle down and have a woman take care of his needs. You are still interested in spending time with friends, and meeting new people. His possessiveness will continue. I know you don't want me to tell you to leave him but you have to know this won't get better. He wants a woman to take care of him when he demands it. Some women are willing to do this. Be careful with this issue because you intend to marry this man. Most of the time after marriage this gets worse. The man then feels like he "owns" the woman and she "has" to take care of his every need. I will recommend counseling, although I feel like he will not go, it can be good for you. As far as the sexual issues, not everyone enjoys oral sex. By forcing you to provide this for him he is just making you dislike it even more. He enjoys going down on you and dosen't do it for you but for himself. I can suggest that maybe he take a shower or bath before sex. You can tell him that the freshness of himself after a shower excites you more if this will help. I believe that you are in for a lot of heartache with this man. Please be careful and take care of yourself. If you need anything else or just need some way to express yourself to someone, please write again. Good luck with everything. Hoot
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