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AdviceJoe.com - Advice on love, sex, work, or play
May 15, 2003
Welcome to AdviceJoe.com Free no-nonsense Advice on love, sex, work or play. Thank you for continuing to visit and support AdviceJoe.com!! --Joe ** Sorry for the late issue.** I was on Jury Duty --Joe
Dear Joe- I have met a married man. We had a strong attraction to each other. We took it further and we have had sex. We have been away to a hotel overnight a couple of times. He says he is happy in his marriage, but I have fallen for him. My own husband does not suspect a thing. --Lyn 42
Lyn- This sounds like a confession. Is that what you want to do? Or, is this a questions on what you should do about it? If you are wondering if I think you should end the affair for both your family's sake, I think you should end it now before your husband start to suspect something. --Joe
Dear Joe- I am in love with my ex sweetheart even though we broke up over a year ago. He still lives in my home and has another love interest. It breaks my heart over and over again. Its is driving me nuts. Emotionally, I am a wreck. Can you help me? There is so much more I need too say and I need someone too talk too so bad. Thanks -- Susan 46
Susan- The reason you are a wreck is because you have a constant reminder of him being there. You must change the living arrangement for your own mental health. You should move or he should move. You cannot keep subjecting yourself to this torture. --Joe
Dear Joe- I've recently fallen deeply in love with a married man. He has also confided in me that he has been abusive in the past, but is now seeking help. If I decide to continue this relationship, can you tell me any danger signs I might need to look for? Should I just walk away? Would that make him more angry? Thank you so much for your advice. --Marie 21
Marie- Messing around with a married man is the first thing you should walk away from. Unless his treatment is ongoing, he could relapse into violence at anytime. Until he gets divorced and gets his abusiveness under control, I would walk away. Who cares if it makes him more angry. If it does, it just shows you he is not ready to change. --Joe
Dear Joe- I can't believe I am writing to someone about this. Hope you still exist! I have been married, for the second time, for 4 years. In the 5 months of our engagement, my husband was practically mauling me all the time. We, mostly me, chose not to have sex until we were married for religious reasons. We gave in a couple of times and had very frequent sex during the first 2 months of marriage then, nothing. It has been a long series of arguments, talks, plans, you name it since. I am sick of it. I don't even mention it anymore. But, it hurts me so deeply. I feel unwanted. He has blamed it on everything from his weight, to not having feeling in his legs at times, to me not getting my son in bed. I have always told him to just let me know and I'll do anything to make it happen. He seems to love it when we do it even though he is through in about 3 minutes. He was 29 when we married and he is 9 years younger than me, and has never been married before. To be honest, I have never had an orgasm with him, but feel that is a small price to pay for building intimacy. It could happen. Talking is over about it. He just starts hollering. I just need to understand why? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks --Renee 42
Renee- I still exist. It sounds like your husband maybe having sexual problems. A lot of men will holler and scream because they don't feel that they are men if they cannot get it up. His complaints about his weight and etc., is just hiding the fact that he cannot satisfy you. He knows he can't and it hurts him to the point that he makes it your fault. We all have this flaw of sometimes blaming the other person for our short comings. I know it is not a solution but, it maybe an answer to why. --Joe
Dear Joe- I'm 21 and at the prime of my life and I've had sex over 100 times between 3 men. But, I still consider my self a virgin. I say this because sex does not feel good to me. It doesn't hurt but, it's like my vagina has no feeling in it. I just want to know is this going to last forever and what should I do? Is there some type of medicine to help this? Please! I need answers right way. --Zyrona 21
Zyrona- You are not a virgin still. I think you are having sex for all the wrong reasons and that is why it does not feel good to you. Not to mention you also have some serious issues to deal with. I would stop having sex so much and try to have a good relationship. Then, when you have sex with someone you love, it will make your knees weak. It will feel right. --Joe
Dear Joe- I am curious about a co-workers' interest in me. He has been married for 3 years and I for 7. He is 10 years older then me. We started taking breaks and having lunch together and we continually talk about sexual things or just make sexual remarks. I am interested in him as just a friend with benefits. I would not make a first move with him because he is married. I guess I am trying to figure out what and or why he would talk about sex so much ( i.e. the how, when, where, etc...) I have asked him and he calls it "playful sexual banter." I am okay with that. We have a fun time. I just have a gut feeling that that is not all it is. Could you please help me and explain what might be going on here. I am in the process of divorce so my interests in him are due to that emptiness. Please help. --Angie 24
Angie- A lot of co-works will have this "playful, sexual banter". It by no means mean he would actually be willing to take it to another level. If you do decide to go there, be completely prepared for the potential embarrassment of rejection. If I were you, I would not chance it right now. If you are going through a divorce, you are having enough heartache. You don't need anymore. --Joe
Dear Joe- When we were watching a family movie, my step dad rewind it and I saw my mom and him having sex and now I can't seem to get it off my mind? What should I do? --Amanda 12
Amanda- The thought of your parents having sex is something most kids never want to think about. But, as you have found out, it happens. In time you will let it go but, you will never forget. --Joe
Dear Joe- I have a problem which is causing me some heartache. I like this girl who also likes me. However, she also likes another guy. She said that she can not choose which one she prefers between the two of us and asks me to give her some time. However, she shows more emotion for him. This hurts me a lot and I feel like just giving up. What should I do? I really do love her, but to me it seems that he is the one she really wants. Should I make the choice for her and leave or, stick it out and give her the time she needs to figure things out? -- Patrick
Patrick- If she cannot make up her mind it is perfectly all right for you to make it for her. If she is that confused, put her out of her misery and back out. That's maybe what she is waiting for. To see who is willing to let her go for her happiness. Or, she is just a control freak and has no idea and is just stringing you both along. --Joe
Dear Joe- I'm a 26 year old gay man, and I have a problem. I think that I want to hit on one of my best friend's brother. She and I were friends in high school and her brother was like 10. Now he's 22 and straight. But, when I see him I get all the "signals" that gay guys sometimes get from "straight" guys who are willing to play. Should I give it try? His sister and my best friend would never find out but, wouldn't that be wrong? Or, is he a big boy now who's fair game? Thanks for your help. -- Chet 27
Chet- He is a big boy now and if he wants to go there with you that is fine. You are risking your relationship with your best friend though over some straight man. Is she worth losing for a little sex? I would really think about it before I would make a move. --Joe
Dear Joe- I was wondering something about my husband. He always wants sex or at least every night and morning. Sometimes if I don't give in, he gets mad at me. Do you think a guy that loves sex that much would possibly cheat on his wife? I don't think my husband would, but you never know. What is your opinion on this? --Kathy 25
Kathy- Yes, it is possible. If he thinks he cannot get it at home, he might think about going elsewhere. The thing that worries me the most is him getting mad at you if you don't put out. That is not healthy in a good relationship. I suggest you talk with him about that and let him know that doing that hurts you and he should stop. --Joe
Sometimes when you cry, No one sees your tears
Sometimes when you are in pain, No one sees your hurt
Sometimes when you are worried, No one sees your stress
Sometimes when you are happy, No one sees your smile
