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Fooled Around
Q: My names Justin, Ive been with my girlfriend for about 3 months now. Everything was going great until she told me she fooled around with this guy at work before she went out with me. Now, that wouldnt typically be a problem, except for when she tells me how hot and adorable he is. And I recently discovered that he always has his hands all over her, tickling, hugging,ect and she does nothing to stop his behavior. When I visit her at work they dont even look at each other, all the touching takes place when I am not there. I told her that I want to talk to him, but she doesn't want me to. I thing she likes the attention shes getting from him. Am I in the right to be angry with her, what should I do, please help.
A: No, you are not in the right to be angry. This anger will only have a negative effect on you.
Tell you girl friend she can play with her co-worker all she wants, because you're moving on. Don't even look back!
Over-exposed
Q: Jim, I am using a Canon D60 Digital Camera (now replaced with the Canon D10) and was trying to take a longer exposed picture for taking water. Similar to the one waterfall / stream on the web site.
I used to take these with my regular canon camera using Fujichrome Velvia 50 speed film and no problem. For some reason the pictures are way over exposed. They come out completely white. I took it for 4 seconds. I tried setting it to ISO 200,400,800 and 1000 and still did not get any better. I also changed the aperture setting using the whole scale and no luck. Is there anything I have to change as far as setting go. It seems that digital cameras are a lot different in many ways. Sometimes unpredictable. I am going to Hawaii in a few weeks and wanted to get some good longer exposed waterfall pictures during the middle of the day.
Any suggestions would help. I live in Phoenix, AZ but grew up most of my life on Wakefield, MA Thanks,Glen
A: Glen, you can't leave the shutter open for 4 seconds on a bright day and expect a good exposure.
As mentioned on my photography tips page, SLR cameras get the right exposure by controling the duration and intensity of light striking the film or in your case the image sensor. When your camera is in any of it's auto modes, as you lengthen the shutter times, the camera compensates by closing the iris in the lens, called the F stop. Once the iris or diaphragm in the lens closes to it's smallest possible opening, it can no longer compensate.
Here are my suggestions for getting waterfall photos.
Mount your camera on a tripod. Use slow film or a slow film setting on a digital camera . Select shutter priority mode "Tv" and select a shutter speed of 1/4 or slower. Experiment. Keep an eye on what happens to the f stop setting as you change shutter speeds. Once your f stop reaches it's smallest opening, (on many lenses that's f/22) you can't slow the shutter more with out over exposing. Your camera should indicate over-exposure (sometimes a flashing icon) somewhere if you're about to over-expose.
Use of slow shutter speeds may require waiting for reduced light situations (heavy shade, after sunset etc. ) or the use of a neutral density filter.
I'm being taken advantage of
Q: Hi Jim. I've been dating a guy only for a short period of time. He only works a job that is a weekend part time position, so he basically makes no money. He always asked me for money, or to buy him or cigarettes, or to use my car, or to use my cell phone. He says that he feels I'm the one he will spend the rest of his life with and that he will support me when he finds a good job and we grow old together. I love him so much but can't help feeling that I'm being taken advantage of. I broke up with him and now feel absolutely lousy even though I don't have to worry about spending my money anymore. Is love worth taking a risk and being unselfish with my money? Am I just being stingy or do I have a right to be?Confused but in love....
A: You absolutely did the right thing by dumping this moocher. Don't doubt yourself. Don't waste one minute feeling sorry for him or yourself. Do you think he would have stuck with you if you said "no" to his requests for money?
Self-reliance is character trait well worth seeking in a partner. An honorable man does not mooch from his girlfriend. Don't make the same mistake again!
Dating for 5 Years
Q: I am 25 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been dating for 5 years. Everything has been great up till the past 9 months. I started feeling like he has been cheating on me with his co-worker who is 40. He says that she is just a friend and a really kind person, but she will do anything for him- lend him $, give him things, make him lunch, etc. Then just recently, knowing this is wrong, I logged into his email and saw email's back and forth between him and her and one of them from him to her said something along the lines of him being intimate with her. I am crushed. I love him so much. What do I do? Tell him I saw his email's?? I can't! And, I have never meet the lady but, a 40 year old?!! its so bazaar. Please help.
A: You've been dating for 5 years and you mentioned no sign of long term commitment. No Engagement ring, no Hope Chest. Now you suspect he's being unfaithful.
Whether or not he is being unfaithful...determine what your long term goals are. Do you want to marry this guy? What are his long term plans? Is he the marrying type? After dating for 5 years you should know these things about each other.
Talk to your friends and family members. Sometimes an older sister can have worthwhile insight into these types of things.
If being married (to him or anyone) is part of your plan, it looks as if this guy is not the best prospect. Did you want to hear how you could phase out this other woman and get your relationship back on track? Maybe the best way to phase out the other woman, is to phase out your boyfriend. You will survive without him.
Please write back in a while and let us know how things panned out.
As always, reader's comments are welcome.
Cut my Losses 3/3/03
Jim, I have been in a live in relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now. Each year in winter he is unable to work due to the inclement weather. Last year he purchased a new vehicle in his name for me. I have made the payments and insurance payments as well as maintained all of his regular bills and mine while he is out of work from the end of October until mid-March. We have done nothing but fight during his out-of-work periods. Our sex life isn't much to be said. Should I stay in this relationship and continue to help him financially or cut my losses now?A: Perhaps there is something about your character that fits you together with a man like this. If you get rid of him, would you soon hook up with someone else who's similar to him? Determine how you need to change to prevent relationships like this from developing.
Don't expect him to change. You're his enabler. If you weren't providing, he'd have to get off his duff and earn some money, year round, or find a different enabler.
So thoughtful of him to purchase a vehicle in his name... for you... and let you pay for it. The vehicle may be his legally if you two go separate ways.
Yet another great example of why I'm not an advocate of "live in" relationships. Live in learn! Thanks for writing.
Pursuing it 2/20/03
Q: Hi Jim...
I'm 27 and divorced, but semi-dating my ex-husband. We have been trying for 8 years to make a go of our relationship. He left for US Marine Boot Camp a few weeks ago and he is not allowed to talk to anyone, only write. I have a neighbor who is very attractive and with whom I get along really well with. He has a gf who lives a few hours away and they have been dating for 4 or 5 years. The other night he and I got fairly intimate, but did not have sexual intercourse. He is obviously attracted to me, and me him. I know it's wrong for both of us to do this to the other two people involved, but I can't help thinking that we were supposed to meet. Should I let him pursue it if he wants to, or should I pursue it? We both truly do love our significant others, but the chemistry between us (and not just sexually) is so wonderful, I can't help but feel like we're passing up something that we should investigate further. Thanks for your advice...
A: You asked " should I let him pursue it..." or should I pursue it?" Either way, you sound determined to get together again with this "very attractive" neighbor.
Is the relationship with your ex worth saving? How would you feel if he wrote from boot camp and told you he met a woman he found very attractive and had great chemistry with?
Hopefully, he won't ship out to Iraq.
On a different note...Would your neighbor dump his girl for you? Would you even expect him to? Nobody likes to be betrayed. What if she makes a surprise visit while you two are "pursuing it"? Crimes of passion are common. Does she pack a Colt Defender in her purse? Who knows?
...just a few things to think about before you "investigate further." Thanks for writing.
2/7/03
Q: I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 24, we've been together going on 3 yrs now. The first 2 were pretty good,but when we moved in together she changed into different person the communication has never been the greatest but now it's even less! She has said that this has been the best relationship she has ever experienced, but she won't open up! Recently she has been taking meds to calm her depression but if she doesn't take them she is very angry and hostile. Sex was good in the beginning now not often if at all. I love her very much, but the guessing is driving me CRAZY!!!! What should I do?A: The relationship was good until you moved in. Move out!
2/2/03
Q: I am twenty two years old, living away at school part of the year, and at home during the summer. How do I (or should I) tell my extremely
conservative parents about my new tattoo?A: I think you should tell them ASAP. I would guess they'd be more disappointed in you deceiving them, than they would be about the tattoo. I'm sure they'll want to know why you did it. Why did you?
1/29/03
Q: Hey Jim,I am a 32-year-old single woman who seems to be in a rut. For the last year and a half I have been dating a married but separated man. He promised me that he was going to get a divorce. First, it was May 02, then Dec 02, and now March 03. At this time, I don't have children, but would like to in the near future. He keeps telling me that a divorce is very expensive. Considering, the fact that he is in the military he would lose some financial and medical benefits. At least That’s what he is telling me. Now with the possibility of the US going to war he maybe leaving to go overseas. This would be the second time since we have been dating each other. I waited the first time and was very understanding and supportive considering his marital/military situation. Since his return in March 02 he hasn't kept any of his promises. Now he wants me to wait another 6-9 until he returns from overseas. Lately, I've been very depressed. It seem that all of my friends are married, getting married, starting families, buying homes and more. I'm still working 2 jobs trying to make ends meet. It would be so nice to be in a relationship with someone who was willing to work with me and build a future. Do you think I'm wasting my time, hoping that one-day things will change?
Losing HopeA: In a nutshell, yes! Don't loose hope though. Someday you will change so that you won't find yourself in relationships like this.
1/14/03
Q:There was a question on your site from someone whose computer got fried from a lightning strike that went through the cable modem. They sell special surge protectors where you can run a cable in & out, and thus theoretically protect you from lightning without having to disconnect everything when a storm comes. I have one of those, and it also has connections for phone lines in & out.
I dig your site by the way. MattA: Thanks for writing Matt. The question you refer to is further down on this page. I've seen surge protectors but did not notice any for 75 ohm coaxial cable. I'll keep my eye out for one. If the maker of these devices offered a warranty against damage from lightning, I'd buy one. For now, I'll continue to unplug my cable modem when thunderstorms approach.
12/26/02
Q: Dear Jim,
I am about to be 20, my "significant other" 21. We have been dating on and off for a little more than 3 years. However, I attend college 3-4 hours away from where he lives. We are not currently "technically" together because of the distance. I understand that we are young and need time to meet other people and do things for ourselves, however, sometimes I feel that not being together while being in love is detrimental to both of us. I date other people but it never works out because they are not him, and he doesn't date at all. When I bring up getting back together he says that we are still young and that we are a long term thing and that if its meant to be it will work out. His main argument is that it is too hard for him to continue dating long distance because he is too insecure to handle the fact that I go out often and am friends with many other men. When we are together over breaks it is fabulous. I have a great time and want to see him ever more, but it is getting to the point where leaving is hard and I just wish that either we could be together or break up for good so that I can move on with my education, career, and life. Your advice to others is so great I thought I would give it a try. Please help. Thank you so much.
~confused and running out of patience!A: You've confused me. After reading your message I'm not sure who wants to end the relationship, you or him. The only way I can make an assessment is to read between the lines. You said " I wish that either we could be together or break up for good so that I can move on with my education, career, and life." That tells me you feel as though he's holding you back.
Do you feel guilty because you date and he doesn't? You also said " not being together while being in love is detrimental to both of us." I sense that you don't really love this guy but continue the relationship because you're comfortable with him. Of course, this is all conjecture on my part.
Ironically, my answer to the previous question has some relevance here too.
12/17/02 Off to College
Q: My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years. I'm 19 and she's 17. We are both happy with each other and love each other very much. We talked about her going to college when she gets out of high school and I'm all for it but when I talk about going with her she says she doesn't know if she'd want to have to be with me 24/7. She says shed still wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend but that she just wants to go out and experience the world. What I tell her is that after not being with each other for a certain amount of time you start to drift and end up getting closer to someone else. I see it that way because I have had a long distance relationship before and it didn't work out. I don't see why if we've been going out this long why we have to separate. Why can't I experience the world with her? I just don't think that a relationship should be a long long distance one because then its pointless. To me when you have someone you care about you should be with them and spend time with them (not necessarily 24/7, but with them). Not just talking on a phone. I'm not planning on marring her anytime soon I just don't see how you can make a relationship work when you're not there. What my question is am I being selfish or should she take into consideration what I'm saying?
A: If she wants to go off to college, let her go…without you. She's made it clear how she feels. In my opinion, the more you need her, the less she will want you. That's not to say if you need her less, she will want you more. You must gain the self-confidence to be OK without her.
I guess you could say you're being selfish, most men are to some degree, at least until they've had time or a reason to grow out of it. That is usually a life-long process. With each new change comes an opportunity to grow. Don't miss the opportunity.
In the meantime, don't get all jammed up. Go with the flow Joe. At 17, she must still be in high school and who knows what the future will bring?
11/05/02 Jealous boyfriend
Q: hi...I am Susan, 19, from California. My problem is that my boyfriend is overly jealous. He reads my e-mails, get suspicious of my male friends and questions about everything I do. I love him very much and plan to marry this man (he is 24). I think I'll end up in the nut house though if it's going to be like this forever! HELP!A: Susan, you are wise to foresee ending up in the nut house. You may have been joking but it's no joke.
If you think that he will be less jealous after you exchange vows, you're wrong!We could get into why he is overly jealous, but that would be pointless. It's you who is writing for advice. You see something wrong with the situation. Trust your gut feelings. Hypothetically, ask yourself, what would he do if he found out you were seeing someone else? Would he do something irrational? Would you be in fear of him? You deserve someone who trusts you.
Understand that excessive jealousy, possessiveness and exerting control is not a sign of love. The fact that you are writing to me is a RED FLAG. PLEASE SEE IT! Confide in someone close to you about this; parents, an older sister or better yet an older brother! Someone you trust.
At the end of your message you yelled, HELP! Someday you could be yelling help and nobody will hear.
Am I overreacting? Too dramatic? Maybe. Maybe not. Let's get some responses from readers on this one.
The following is a response sent in by a reader on 12/4/02:
Here's my opinion, keeping in mind that I'm an outsider looking in. (And you definitely touched on some great points Jim).
A) He's insecure with himself. Until he can be secure with himself, the two of you shouldn't be committing yourselves to marriage. It will only punish both of you and marriage should not be a punishment. You should not be in charge of making him secure with himself, only he can do that.
B) Most likely it will only get worse after you are married. It might start with the male friends, then trickle down to what are you doing with your girl friends, then what are you doing with family members, etc., etc.
C) Have you heard good things about prison life?? Sounds like you might be condemning yourself to something close to that (yes that's extreme, but think about losing ALL your friends, family, etc.)
D) Seek counseling, that is if you really think the relationship is worth saving. If he isn't willing to go, then that tells you A LOT about him. If he really and truly loves you, he will do whatever it takes to make YOU comfortable and YOU will understand what makes him comfortable and why he acts the way he does.
E) Another point, and don't get me wrong on this, but what is it exactly you do with your "male friends"? Are you hanging out with them at all hours of the night? Are you flirting with them? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything or give him an excuse, but is there another side of the story that isn't presented here? Is it possible that he is concerned about you and/or interested in what you are doing? This DOES NOT excuse him from reading your emails. That is just plain WRONG. Again, this is why counseling might be a good thing, you could establish boundaries and "vent" about what is bothering both of you.
Just some things to think about.
10/27/02
Q: Hello, I would appreciate your advice. I have a
girlfriend, and we have been together for over 15 months now. Recently she
has been quite insistent that we take a break away from one
another so that we can enjoy our "young days", because as she keeps reminding
me "we are only young once". She is 17 and I am 18. We have a very good
relationship and love each other very much, but currently all I can think
about if we "take a break" is her being with (and sleeping with) other guys
and also the fact that, although she insists we will get back together "one
day", she'll just find someone who's better (looking) and nicer etc.... and
will never want me back.
If it is of any use to you i am a very serious rugby player in
England, and this does take up a lot of my time, but I still have plenty for
my girlfriend, and I truly enjoy the time she gives me, because there is no
better way I can find to relax than with her... Anyway, I'd appreciate any
advice that you could give me. Thank you in advance!A: My advice is, let her go and don't expect her back. She's not your possession, damn it! You WILL survive without her. Besides, if you need to convince her to stay with you, what does that say? Look at the bright side. You'll soon find someone else who makes her pale by comparison. At your age it's best not to be wrapped up in one person for too long.
Cold Feet
6/8/02
Q: I'm getting married on July 20, 2002. We've been together for 2 years,
and we grew up together. He's 21 and I'm 18. Some people say this is
too young. I've had a few partners, and I've been in love once before.
I clearly love this man, but sometimes I find myself asking "is this the
guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with?" Is this normal, or do I
just have 'cold feet'? Please give me some advice, I'm extremely
confused. I'm wondering if there is some answer out there for me that I
just don't see because of my age and inexperience, or at least that's
how my family makes me feel.A: If your feet are cold, try thicker socks. Just kidding. I can't advise you not to get married but consider the following.
From my perspective, 18 does seem a bit young to tie the knot. I think people change considerably and learn quite a bit about themselves and the world as they progress through their twenties. I believe it's good learning experience for a young person to live on their own, out from under their parents roof for a while, before getting married. Certainly, that's not always possible, considering the cost.
It's probably common for those about about to get married to have doubts. Your family knows you well so any advice they have should be given careful consideration. If the man does not meet your expectations then don't be afraid to put on the brakes. Hopefully, readers will write (before July 20th) with comments and advice for you. When they do, I'll post it here. Thanks for writing and good luck with whatever you decide. Write back with an update if you get the urge.
A reader sent the following, with which I agree:
Jim,
Regarding the young woman who is about to get married at age 18.If she is asking herself questions now, she would be wise to wait. What would it hurt to wait? In two years she will be twenty, regardless if she's married or not. Why not wait a couple of years to see if he is really "Mr. Right."
Another point, if you tell someone not to marry, especially at age 18, they will marry to prove you wrong.
I have seen too often people getting married for reasons such as wanting to get away from their parents, insecurity, afraid of being alone, money, etc.,etc.
I would also suggest some premarital counseling, through a church or a counselor to make sure they at least agree on "the big stuff," i.e. child rearing, finances, etc.
A divorce is much more difficult and possibly more expensive than postponing a wedding
Get A Job
4/25/02
Q: How does one get a job in the photo industry? I've been trying but no luck. Any advice or could you give me places to look. I'm including my resume. I mainly did production,worked with the Qss machines. But would love to do darkroom work,black and white,color okay. Assist in studio setting. I really want to learn ALL the ins and outs of this industry. I don't have a darkroom at my finger tips, or alot of equipment. I only have a 35mm and a old 2 1/4 camera. It really doesn't matter what I do, just that I am doing what I love. Any suggestions or comments or help you could give me that would be great! Thanks for your help.A: Keep in mind, I've never really looked for work in the photo industry. Most of the photography work I've done has come through my Web site. People saw my photography and then hired me to make images for them. I can offer some tips on finding employment in general.
Don't look in the Help Wanted section. I would guess that most worthwhile job openings get filled without advertising. Find the place you want to work and offer them your valuable skills. Here is what I suggest. Print 10 copies of your resume on good quality paper. Find your telephone book and open it to the yellow pages. Find 10 or more local photography studios or labs that do the type of work that interests you. Dress yourself in attractive clothing and visit these businesses in person. Bring a portfolio along if it would apply. (It wouldn't hurt to have an on-line portfolio.) Tell them the type of work you're seeking and ask if you can present your resume to someone who does the hiring. It's likely that most will tell you "we're not hiring right now." Be prepared for that and ask if you can leave a resume just the same. Then move on to the next on your list. Eventually, you'll get hired.
If wedding photography interests you, contact local wedding photographers to ask if they need an assistant or intern. You could volunteer your help free, to learn the trade.
You could always read a few books on the subject.
There are several factors to consider when applying for a job aside from doing the type of work you enjoy. Location for example. Nobody needs a long commute right? Of course pay and benefits are important but flexible working hours and a clean and safe working environment should be considered also. Photography is an extremely varied field. Good luck. Write back to let us know the outcome.
3/11/02
Q: Why is an automobile 'dash board' called a dash board? Why not a control panel,or instrument panel?
Think you can answer that one? Of course, I'll be looking elsewhere for the answer, but I was told that you can answer ANY question. Well, I'm about to find out if that's true. Thanks for trying, at least.A:Who told you I can answer any question? It's just not true.
The term was coined prior to automobiles. When dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, a "dash board" prevented mud and snow from flying off the horses hooves and going where it shouldn't.
2/28/02
Q: Jim, I will be leaving for Vegas in a week. Where can I get a
Saugus sweat shirt to wear in Vegas?A: Have one custom made at
Superior Stitch
338 Central Street, Saugus, MA (rear RR tracks)
(781) 231-2640Tell Ken Jim sent you.
10/22/01Q:Hi Jim, I came across your site after searching so far and wide for answers. I just acquired a 1978 MERCEDES 450 SEL (European model) , I am looking for any information I can get . Pictures, books, repair manuals, etc. I have done all kinds of searches and have come up dead in the water. If you truly enjoy a good challenge, here it is. Thanks in advance, I look forward to your answer. TED
A: Click here Ted.
8/23/2001
Q: Dear Jim,
I enjoyed reading your questions and answers. I have a problem with my soon to be 4 year old daughter. I separated from her father 8 months ago and we both started into immediate relationships with other people. My daughter is a very loving girl and happy. The problem is she is scared of my boyfriend. He is a very kind man and feels very hurt that she cries when he visits. She sits beside of me on the opposite side of him and won't let me go. I have been to a counselor and he thinks that she is afraid of her security with me. Do you have any suggestions that would "break the ice" with my boyfriend and my daughter?A: Have you asked your daughter why she is afraid of this man? It's possible she's afraid simply because he reaffirms the loss of her father. She may feel her father is being replaced. Try putting yourself in her shoes. On the other hand, sometimes children have innate good judgment of character. Time will tell.
It sounds like she's not had the chance to get to know him and have fun with the two of you. Do the three of you do fun things together or does he just come over to... visit?
Breaking the ice is not the most important thing here. I'm sure your relationship with your daughter is more important to you than your relationship with this man. Otherwise you would not be writing. Demonstrate everyday that she is the number one person in your life.
8/9/01
Q: Jim
I recently heard of a case, where a friend of mine lost a cable modem due to lightning.
How can we prevent this from happening ?
eA: Same thing happened to my cable modem. It wasn't a direct lightning strike but there were many strikes in the area. Henceforth, I'll be disconnecting the incoming cable wire and the power cord from my cable modem at the first sign of a thunderstorm and before leaving on vacations. Unplugging all computer equipment before electrical storms is a good idea.
7/25/01
Q: I am trying to open a file on a floppy disc and the computer is saying the
disc is not formatted. I have been using this disc for weeks with no
problems. Whats wrong?A: First, try accessing a different floppy to assure the problem is not your disk drive. Floppy drives accumulate dust especially when a disk is left in them continuously, holding the dust door open. Dust can cause read/write problems. I had a floppy drive which would not read and after blowing the dust out, it worked fine. For more info visit Howstuffworks "How Floppy Disk Drives Work"
Since you get a format error I suspect your disk has bit the dust. No pun intended. Floppy disks are not immune to failure. All sorts of things can contribute to their demise. Sometimes, they just wear out. Magnetic fields can alter the arrangement of the magnetic particles in the disk which store your data. If you set floppy disks near your computer speakers that could make disks fail. Most speakers have powerful magnets inside. Monitors also generate magnetic fields.
When saving important data to floppy disk, a second or third copy on a different disks is recommended. Alternate between disks each time you back-up files. Always use high quality recordable media. I recommend TDK products for superior quality. Bargain brands should be avoided at all cost, pun intended. I learned that lesson the hard way about 9 years ago. I bought some floppy disks cheap. Many of them failed.
7/15/01
Q: My problem is very typical of a 16 year-old boy. I go to my sister's house
about 4 times a week. Next to my sister lives a 15 girl named Holly. Holly and
I have never been close, in fact we were just formally introduced last month.
The more time I spend with her, the more time I want to spend with her. I
can't stop thinking about her. I've never been the most attractive, smartest,
funniest, or most charming guy, but my sister told me that Holly has had
somewhat of a crush on me for the past year. I'm not sure if I should use
that as a basis to ask Holly out, or if I should just let it go. I noticed
that you always give straight-forward advice, and refrain from using one's
'need' of another person to justify anything. I won't say that I love this
girl, but I am definitely interested in getting to know her better. Any
suggestions as to how I go about this?A: Let Holly know you like her. When you say good-bye to her, you might tell her you look forward to seeing her again. If you want to get to know her better, suggest doing something fun together. It doesn't have to be a formal "date." Something simple like a bike ride or a trip to the ice-cream store might go well. Good luck and have fun.
6/18/01
Q:Hi Jim: I am going to Alaska in a couple weeks. Do you have any tips for photographing the following: snow capped mountains, glaciers, ice bergs, whales? Any tips for photographing from a small plane and helicopter? Thanks very much for your help. BethA: Once upon a time, I hired a single engine airplane (at the rate of $100.00 per hour) to photograph my hometown. The window opened to allow unobstructed photography. If you can't facilitate an open window in Alaska, see about cleaning the windows you'll be shooting through. Shoot as close to the window as possible to avoid reflections. Avoid putting the lens agains the window so as not to transfer the planes vibration to your camera. Include the interior of the aircraft in a few of your images but don't blind the pilot with your flash. Nobody wants a blind pilot!
Don't be afraid to ask the pilot to go where you want for the best angle. The worst he could say is, "Sorry, traffic into Logan has been diverted and we gotta get out of this area."
Another point, while on photography flights, take the camera away from your eye once in a while and simply be in the moment. Enjoy defying gravity.
Film speed will be a consideration too since fast film will allow the fast shutter speeds and and small apertures you want but remember, fast film, 400 and especially 800, will not be best for poster size enlargements.
About photographing snow, glaciers, icebergs etc. A camera's light meter is often fooled by white, highly reflective snow (when snow fills a significant portion of the viewfinder) and white snow will often appear gray in the resulting images. Over expose snow from 1 to 3 stops depending on brightness, sunshine etc. If you find yourself upon a once in a lifetime image, bracketing your exposures is always a good idea. Submit your question in the forum at Photo.net. You may get responses there from many photographers. Good luck and enjoy your trip.
6/11/01
Q: hi my name is nick and their is this girl who i have been in love with
for 4 and a half years now i tell her all the time but she always just tells
me to shut up now we are good friends still and i talk to her all the time
but when ever i bring that up she freaks and i just feel like i want to be
close to her but she just wont listen i plan to ask her out with in the next
few days what do you suggest i do i have given her some time between the last
time i asked her its been about a half a year since i have asked or brought
up anything about us... but i need her i feel i cant live with out her and i
need some advice on what to do fast. what do you think i should do i am 16
right now and so is she but i know what love is and it is very strong i know
i wish she could just understand how i really feel and just give me a chance
please let me know what you think that i should do thank you..
sincerely nickA: Nick, you said, " I need her I feel I cant live with out her". Therein lies the whole problem. Needing someone is not the same as loving them. She doesn't want you to have an excessive need for her.
At your age the desire to relate with a girl you care about is healthy. On the other hand, to become obsessed with one person is not to your advantage. Think about it Nick. Your whole world seems to revolve around this girl, who tells you to shut up. I don't mean to be rude but… snap out of it! Rise above this. If you grow to become a confident, complete individual and you have good character and values, then you will attract a woman who appreciates an honorable man. In the meantime, don't beg like a dog for any girl to accept you romantically. You are the master of your destiny Nick. The decisions you make, about what is most important, will determine your future.
5/11/01
Q: I saw on photo.net your picture "New York City at night from Empire State
Building" that seems to be taken with tripods and I have a question to ask you.I will soon visit New York, and I want to take some pictures by night from the
top of the Empire State Building with my tripods.Could you tell me if you had some problems using tripods on the top of the
Empire State ? I've been told that it is a quite small place to deploy a tripod without
bothering the other tourists that walk close to you.Are tripods authorized by default on the Empire State, or do I need to obtain
any authorization ? Thank you for your help.A: Look at the the second picture down on this page. You'll see the wire fence with diamond shaped openings. I placed the camera lens barrel into that opening and used the fence to steady the camera, bracing it against corner of the diamond shape with both hands. If you do this, you might want your camera strap around your neck so you don't drop it off the building.
The picture has a lack of sharpness due to supporting it this way. I almost didn't publish the photo because it is a bit fuzzy. I think I exposed for 10 seconds at F8. I only took three or four shots that night. I should have taken 15 or 20 and I would have had a better chance to get a really good one. I don't get up there often.
I found the following on the Official Empire State Building Web site in the frequently asked questions section.
"We do not encourage the use of tripods, but there is a form you can complete if you want to use a tripod. The form will be given to you when you arrive."
Unless you can place your tripod very close to the wire, the wire might interfere with your images. It might be a good idea to bring a small and large tripod. Better yet, a device that would clamp to the fence posts and support you camera. Thanks for writing and if you want to see more of my images check out Saugus Photos Online or my folder at Photo.net.
5/10/01 Q: Hello Jim
I ran across your site accidentally.
Can't believe I'm even writing to you.
It's just that I really liked the advice I've seen you give to other people!
You sound like a very wise man.
I have a sixteen year old daughter who has really started acting up! She's a
good child all in all, but she seems to have NO respect for me whatsoever
anymore. We used to be so very close. 3 1/2 years ago one of my other
daughters took my 5 year old to a country fair. She begged me to let her take
her. So I did.. On the way back to the house they were in a horrible car
crash. The girl that was driving was responsible, not my daughter. My sweet
little 5 year old was killed.
Now my sixteen year old treats me like I'm nothing to her. I've tried to get
her into counseling, but she refuses to go. And I'm sure I'd be arrested if I
bodily threw her into the car to make her go!
Do you have any suggestions? I know she loves me. She's just torn apart. And
I wasn't much of a Mom to her or any of my daughters after my baby's death.
Not for at least a year. I also had to take care of my daughter who was
involved in the wreck. She was in a hospital bed in our home for about 2
months. So I didn't have much time for my other children. All I could do was
cry. I know I let all of them down horribly. I don't know how to make up for
it. I still cry, but now I try to hide it from everyone.
If you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you.A: Please understand that I am not trained in dealing with things like this. I advise you to seek the assistance of people who have experience helping with these matters.
I can not imagine the horror, pain and trauma of losing a child. Eric Clapton lost a young son in an accident. He wrote a song called "Tears in Heaven." I did not loose a child and just those lyrics can bring me to tears. You did loose a child. If anyone has a right to cry, it's you. It's unfortunate that you need to hide your tears. Seems to me that sharing your grief with people who care about you would be helpful. I found a Web page where people shared their loss of loved ones via the Internet. I'm not suggesting that would be the best route for you. There must be lots of resources available for grief counseling and parental support. Have you taken advantage of any? It couldn't hurt and it's not too late.
You said, "I know I let all of them down horribly. I don't know how to make up for it." Maybe there is no need to make up for it. You certainly can do things to improve your relationship with your children. You can start by forgiving yourself.
Is it possible that she blames you for your death of her sister? Do you blame yourself?
It might help to make plans to spend time with the 16 year old, maybe a weekend away, just the two of you. Repairing a damaged relationship takes creativity and continued effort. If you make it your first priority, you should see results. Keep in mind that sixteen can be a difficult age... even when things are going good! If readers write with more advice for you, I'll post it here. I had hoped to write a more profound reply but this is the best I can do. Thanks for writing.
The following was submitted by a reader as follow-up. Jim, in response to the woman who didn't know how to deal with her 16 yr old's acting out after the death of her 5 yr old, I'm not a psychologist but I've had training in counseling and I have a bachelor's in social work. I worked in Human Services for 8 years, several years in a Crisis Stabilization Program and later as a Program Director in a residence for mentally ill adults.
It sounds to me like the mother's guilt (for what she feels she couldn't give her kids after the death of the 5 yr old) is keeping her from dealing fully with her grief and from helping her children deal with their grief. Often when there is a death in the family, children (both younger and older) become very sensitive to the moods of parents. A father isn't mentioned, so if she's a single parent, the focus on her as the only parent would be intense.It's common for children to refrain from mentioning any problems they may be having in dealing with a tragedy of this sort, in order to spare their mother any more pain. When parents don't open up verbally, kids revert to the senses they used when they were babies, much more readily than we do as adults. They hone in on the non-verbal clues and act accordingly. I would venture to say that a whole lot needs to be brought out into the open by ALL members of that family, not just the 16 year old, and it needs to be done as a group. They need to be able to share their feelings with each other before they can function as a family unit again. Family counseling may be less threatening because it signals that the mother recognizes that they all shared that loss and they all need to find a way to heal and move to a healthier place.
4/30/01
Q:Hi Jim,
A friend of mine and I were recently discussing roadside diners in the area, and were trying to remember the exact location of the Monarch Diner. I'm thinking that it was either on Rt. 1 southbound, near the miniature golf course & batting cages, or near the Blue Star Bar. I know that when I used to drive for the old Saugus Yellow Cab, we used to pick up passengers there. Although my friend is a life-long resident of Saugus, I have lived out of state for nearly 11 years, only able to visit on occasion.Thank you for this website, which I think is great! --and for the opportunity to ask you our question.
Sincerely, Bill Foster
A: There may have been a Puritan Diner in the area. Check out: Dinercity.com. Found this page searching Alstavista.com for "Monarch Diner".
After mentioning your question to a longtime Saugus resident, I was told there was a Monarch Diner in town.
4/23/01
Q:Hi Jim,
I have came back from Egypt. I take a lot of slides in Egypt and this is the first time I used slide.
My main question is how can I protect my slide as long time as possible?
My father has took some slide as well about ten years ago, may be twenty years ago. All of the slides taken by my father now look very terrible, all the color shifted. I don't want my slides also become like that one day in the future. These are my works. I can't take it again.
Is it good enough if I just store them in dry box with 40% humidity?? Or what is the proper way to store slides and neg film?I am from Malaysia, Malaysia is an equator country. Do you think that tropical whether is not that good for taking great picture?? Thanks a lot for your advises. regards
A: Heat and humidity are not good for the life of slides and negatives. The type of film used will also have an impact on how long they last. I have hundreds of old slides, some more than 20 years old and I have not seen any noticeable deterioration in the color. Most of mine are Kodak Kodachrome and Ektachrome.
Here are some links with information that should help. The first is from Kodak. Another way to preserve your images is to let me digitize them.
Relationship Advice
3/29/01
Q:Hi Jim,
My name is **** *******, 16 years old, and I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He moved away for two months to Missouri, and now he's back. For some reason we're not as close ya know. He seems to be to busy for me, and doesn't ever call me as much. Were really tight, and love each other VERY much. When I'm with him, I'm complete, and when I'm not, I'm empty, and for the last couple of days I've felt empty inside. I get jealous when he's out with his friends, or he talks to other girls, but who wouldn't knowing that all the girls wish they could have him. I don't know what to do. I love him sooo much, and I don't want to lose him, but it always seems like I work hard to save out relationship, and he just waits there to see what happens. I'm tired of waiting around for when its convenient for him to come around, what do you think I should do???? Thanks for your time, and if you don't reply, I totally understand.
Thanks a bunchA: Don't wait around for him. Move forward with your life. The more adaptable you become, the better off you'll be. Change provides an opportunity to grow. Understand that your happiness and sense of well being should not hinge upon the acceptance of other people. Especially this guy who "all the girls wish they could have." At 16, you are young and still unfolding. Don't limit yourself. You have your youth, health and much to be thankful for. We're only provided with one trip through this life. Make the best of it.
Relationship Advice
Q: 2/4/01
Jim, I am 15 and I have been going out with a 14 year old girl for about 2
months. I do everything I can to show her how much I love her and I really
do love her... I have written her poems, sent her roses, etc... everything
I can think of. Do you have any suggestions on what I could do or say to her
to show her I love her? I would like all of your ideas. Thank you very
much. SeanA: OK Sean, More than anything else, show her and the rest of the world patience. The American Heritage® Dictionary says "patient" is:
"1. Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness."
"5.Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive."
If we could accomplish that, most everything else should fall into place.It's possible that if you have lots of patience she won't like you. But then, you'll be better off.
Sean, your attitude and actions speak louder than poems or flowers.
Q: 1/15/01
Hi, Two years ago (1999) my family moved to New Zealand from South Africa, and here we met another family that came from South Africa that came here the same time as us. They had a daughter, the same age as me, which I didn't give much attention to in the beginning. We sort of became friends later on that year. The following year (2000) she start going out with a kiwi guy and that's when I started liking her, I told her how much I liked her and it came out that she has liked me ever since the year before. While she was still going out with this guy we did spend a lot of time together and she even kissed me one day. When the day came that she left the guy she told me she just wants to be friends and that she doesn't want to commit herself now to a relationship. That’s where I felt that spending all this time with her I bored her with my presence. I asked her what was going to happen and that she’s going to have to make her mind. We didn’t speak for a while, but after that everything went back and were still friends, but even now she doesn’t even pay a lot of attention to me. She use to want to go bike riding in the mornings and now she hardly ever calls. She seems sad sometimes and I wish I can help her and be the one there for her.What can I do to make her find her interest in me again like the first year and give me a chance to have a relationship with her? I really like her and I want her to feel about me like she did and not be subdued like she is now. I hope you can help me, please.
Frederick
A: That one kiss she gave you got you all stirred up Fred. Let's get right to the point. There is NOTHING you can do to make her want to be your girlfriend...sorry if I sound harsh. The more you want (or need) her, the less attractive you'll be. Feelings she had a while back are gone. If you waste too much time wanting her, you might regret it later. Whatever you do, don't go to extremes to convince her to be your girlfriend. Don't become a stalker. Rejection hurts but you have the power within you to overcome that hurt. Avoid becoming angry at her or feeling sorry for yourself.
When I was about 14 or 15, there was a girl we hung out with who I liked (maybe it was only lust) for a long time. She was always going out with someone else and never had a romantic interest in me but we were friends. Occasionally, when her boyfriend wasn't around and she was ready to go home she'd ask, "Who wants to walk me home?" knowing that I would be willing. What a waste of time. There were other girls around at the time who did have a romantic interest in me but I barely noticed. I wish someone had been there to tell me, "Hey Jim, wake up! Forget about her and take note of these more available girls."
So Frederick, my advice to you is keep your eyes open wide so that you won't miss opportunities with other girls as they become available. Certainly, this is not the advice you wanted but it's the best I can do based on my experience. Thanks for writing and good luck.
Follow up: Hi Jim
I just want to thank you for your advice, it really meant a lot to me and I shall follow it - thank you very much.
Kind Regards Frederick
12/16/00
Q: Dear Jim,
I am a single mom of a beautiful 4 year old girl, she is my whole life. When her father and I were together he was the one that was so excited about having a little baby, I on the other hand wasn't I had my whole life ahead of me still, I wasn't ready to be a mom. But I became one real fast and now I wouldn't take that back for anything. But when My daughter was a year and a half old her father and I broke up, at first she was to young for it to bother her. Her dad still saw her every once in a while and he also gave me child support every once in a while.Then I don't know what happened we started hearing from him less and less, and stopped receiving money. The moral of the story is my four year old is devastated and hurt by what her father has done to her. He doesn't even care, he never sees her any more, he doesn't call her he basically has disowned her. My daughter cries about her daddy every day wanting to see him, at night she looks at pictures of him and listens to Butterfly Kisses. She asks me why he doesn't love her or want to see her. She thinks it is my fault she doesn't see him, for the simple fact that he has made her believe that. When its not me I wanted my daughter to have a father I never tried to keep them a part. I don't know what to do I can't make him see her or love her and yet I can't make her understand. He screws with her head he calls maybe at the most every 4 months and makes her promises he doesn't keep and makes her love him even more each time. How can anybody be so cruel, for a person that couldn't wait to have a baby where is he now? How do I make my daughter see that this is not her fault, or mine and that it is his loss not hers. She is even starting to have behavioral problems because of it now that she is getting older.
Anyways I'm sure you get the idea. Can you please help me to help my daughter deal with not having a father around. Any books that would help or web sites would also be greatly appreciated. Hope you can help.
A: A disappointing father can be devastating, especially for a young girl. I'm am not trained in dealing with troubled children and I cannot offer advice on how to help her deal with this. If she seems depressed, maybe you should seek the help of a family counselor. Look in your local telephone book.
It's important for your daughter's well being that you deal with her fathers irresponsibility in a proper way. The way you react to this man will certainly affect the way she feels. The tone of your message seems to indicate that you are angry and resentful. If you could learn to overcome those feelings it would help both you and your daughter. "Resentment is a cup of poison you pour for someone else but you drink it yourself." (I'm not sure of the origin of that quote. I'll put credit here if anyone knows its source.)
Here are a few things you might consider doing:
- Make sure the guy knows how much his daughter wants to be with him.
- Give your daughter her father's phone number so she can call him.
- Try to help facilitate the two of them spending time together.
- Assure that this man is forced to consistently pay adequate child support.
- Don't blame all of your daughter's problems on what her father fails to do.
- Stay aware of the attitude you project about this man, your daughter is learning from you!
12/3/00
Q: Dear Jim,
I've just come across your site and I must say I'm impressed with the advice
you give. Basically, my question is, how can I get my boyfriend of over 3
years back. It's been 6 months since we broke up, and I've spent most of
that time convincing myself that we weren't meant to be together. However, I
am over that stage now and have regained a sense of emotional stability. I
just feel very strongly that we should at least give it another try.
Unfortunately, the few times that I have spoken with him since our breakup,
he's seemed cold and distant. I know the man that loved me dearly is still
in there somewhere, I just need to know how to get him back. I am not
without my own ideas of how to approach this situation. However, they're
more like games than sincere approaches.
It just makes me upset because when a guy wants his girl back, he is
encouraged to just go and get her. However, when a girl wants her man back,
she's considered weak and is not encouraged to make any effort in getting him
back. I've been reading a lot of Cosmo and Glamour, but all that is
superficial advice. I feel I need honest advice from a man's point of view.
Just to give you a little more background, my ex and I had a healthy
relationship. He's a very focused and driven individual. I realize he needs time, but
I also can't just sit around waiting for him to contact me. I feel as though
I should make a move. However, it can't be a move that would scare him even
further away. If you were in this situation, is there anything a woman could
do to persuade you to come back to her?
I apologize for this lengthy approach at getting some advice, but I just felt
as though enough information should be supplied in order to make an informed
decision in terms of what advice would apply to this particular situation.A: OK, you say you want to make a move to get your man back but don't want to drive him further off. Send him a postcard, (preferably postmarked from an exotic location) not a letter. Make it very brief with only two or three sentences. State only facts. Be sure to exclude any emotion. It could read something like, "Dear John, Enjoyed the time we had together and would like us to be together again. If it's not possible, that's OK. I promise I won't bother you again. Sincerely, Sue." He might throw the postcard in the trash or he might tack it to a bulletin board for future reference. Who knows?
A more worthwhile goal would be to strive to be OK without him.
What good would your relationship be if you have to convince him to get back together with you? You said he is driven and focused. What is he focused on? Are you attracted to his ambition? I would not want to be described as driven. Cars and nails should be driven, not people.
After getting to know a few more men, odds are very good that you'll find some who is a much better partner for you than this guy could ever be. Have faith!
11/25/00
Q: Jim,
I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19 we have been together for about 3
months and we really care A LOT about each other. I have 2 questions for you
and hopefully you can answer them. First of all, What should I get Shawn for Christmas?
He is really into motorcycles and four wheelers and stuff like that. He has a 1996 Lowrider
truck. I hope that is enough information about him to help you help me.
Secondly, like I said we both really care a lot about each other but we
are both scared that we are gonna lose the other. Why are we scared and
what should we do to help it? Please Help!Q: To answer your first question I'll use the same answer I used further down on this page. "I suggest you make something or customize a gift with your own hands. Consider a crafts project or a collage. If you buy him a gift, you could customize it to give it a more personal touch. Whatever he gets, don't worry about it. Don't try too hard to please him. If he's a smart guy, the gifts you give or don't give him won't change his opinion of you."
Now for the second question about being scared of losing each other. Could it be that you've become too dependent on each other and lack self-confidence? Don't spend so much time with each other. I'll bet both of you spend very little time with other friends. Relationships work best when each person has the capacity to stand alone, firmly on his or her own two feet, without an inordinate need for the other.
It might work out well if you do lose each other. People's values often change considerably as they age through their 20's. Someone who you think is wonderful when you're 16 might seem not so great if your values change as you mature.
11/25/00
Q: I have an old Pentium 200, and also I a Pentium II 400, and I was wondering how I can transfer data from my old computer onto my new computer's hard drive?
cheers gizzA: There are a few ways. You could network the computers together (which might not be worth it) or transfer the smaller files via floppy disk. If you have a CD-RW drive you could use that by switching it between machines.
Address books, e-mail, Bookmarks/Favorites, buddy lists etc. in Netscape and Microsoft Outlook Express can be transferred using the import/ export utilities. They can be found by clicking file then import or export. E-mail address books for example can be saved to a floppy disk as a .csv file and then imported into a different e-mail program.
Another option, set up the hard drive from the old computer in the new computer as a slave drive then copy the files to the new drive. If you've got a ton of data to transfer this could be your best option. If you do this, don't even try to run programs on the slave drive that were installed on it prior to the switch. Those programs are configured to run from the operating system on the slave drive and your system will be running from the operating system on the master drive.
11/8/00
Q: We just got a pontiac sunbird 2000 4 cyl. 1.8L engine, 84 model , and when
we drive in town it's fine, but when we get on the highway where the speed
limit is faster when go to slow down the transmission does not shift down and
the car jerks and dies. then when we crank it again to put it in drive, as
soon as it hits reverse gear it jerks and dies. what do you think the problem
might be?A: The car is 17 years old. Junk it!
11/7/00
Q: Hi Jim...I'm 42 years old with 2 children ages 12 & 13. I met ***** 2 + years ago and
we fell in love. He is so kind with a huge heart and makes me happy in so
many ways but...he is an alcoholic. I've "disciplined" him, so to speak into
changing some of his drinking habits and although it has improved, he tries
to "get away with it whenever possible". He has been on disability due to an
injury that occurred 7 years ago. He is able to work and has been given
opportunities through State Funded Programs but he continues to procrastinate to
the point where I feel he just doesn't want to work and that it's never going
to happen. Although he talks about how much he hates NOT having a job, he
does nothing to change. He's his own worst enemy, he sits around and thinks
and dwells to the point incapacitation. He is 37 years old. He lives with
his mom and brother but stays with me all the time. His disability is not
enough to pay much of anything and he DOES NOT NEED TO BE ON IT! How can I
tell him to go back home and when he gets on his own two feet to give me a
call without sending him back into a drunk who has no hopes or dreams at all.
I keep thinking he is right on the edge of pulling it together... but I've
thought that for over a year. He says that if I wasn't there to stand
behind him, he couldn't do anything. HELP! I love him but I need my guy to
love me enough to help support me. I own my own home, have been working as
an office manager for 18 years and I've always worked hard. I'm beginning to
think this is hopeless and I resent him for doing this to us. Please give me
any advise you can!A: My advice here is likely to make you angry. That's OK. Of course it's only my opinion and others are welcome to write with theirs.
You and his mother are part of the problem because you enable him to live the way he does. Why on earth should this man go to a job everyday when he doesn't have to? He has you and his mother to provide a roof over his head, food, clean laundry and God knows what else. The "discipline" you try to bestow on him will not make him a better man. Self-discipline is what he needs and you can't give him that. It's not your job to prevent him from drinking or to make him go to work. It's a waste of time trying to mold him (or anyone else) into someone he's not. That will only cause you anguish and make him even less responsible.
You say you "resent him for doing this to us." It's you who's doing it to yourself and your kids. People like him won't become self-reliant while they have people like you to sustain them. Are you a giver? Is he is a taker? If so, you fit together. Either accept him the way he is or give him the boot.
11/7/00
Q: Hello Jim I am a 18 year old female in her first semester of college. The problem is
my parents. My parents don't let me do anything or go anywhere
without them knowing. I know that they are scared that their "little girl" is
growing up but can't I have my own life? It's not that I don't respect their
house and the rules it is just I'm tired of having to "report" my every move
to someone. Most of my friends have their own apartments or even houses.
I know I'm just 18 and still growing up but I just wish I had my own
place.
Should I just try to tough it out until I am a little bit older? I consider
myself pretty responsible all ready. I've learned from my brothers and even
my friends mistakes.
Do you think I would be ready to move out? If I did move out I am afraid my
parents would not let me have my truck, based on the fact that they are
paying for it right now. Even if I stay at home I would still have to pay for
my college. And yes going to college is what I want to do ( to be a
veterinarian) Thank bunch, LeslieA: You might be ready to move out but can you afford it? Supporting yourself can easily exceed $1000 per month. Think about it, food, shelter, clothing, utilities, blah, blah, blah. Not to mention the cost of college and... a truck.
While you remain at your parents house, save your money. Did you hear me? Save your money! Many apartment landlords require first and last months rent plus a security deposit before you move in. That could be nearly $2000. A down payment on a house could could be ten times that amount.
11/4/00
Q: Dear Jim,
My husband, my two daughters and I were recently at a Halloween party given
by my nine year old daughter's best friend's parents. While there, the
mother of my daughter's friend was hiding behind a wall and disguising her
voice as part of a game we were playing. Actually, she was playing the part
of an alien, speaking into a microphone which made her voice sound like an
alien. She kept us there for awhile asking questions and my husband was
doing most of the responding. At one point, she made the comment something
about him being a handsome man, and said "you're staying with me." I feel
that she completely crossed the line with me and I am furious at her. I
don't know if I should say something to her because I know it will cause a
strain between us and I don't want my daughter's relationship with her best
friend to be affected. I can't seem to let go of the anger. She made a
comment that she had a lot to drink to my husband but I know darn well that
true feelings tend to come out when you're drinking. I would appreciate if
you could give me advice on what to do about this. Thank you very much.A: Forget about it!
Relationship Advice 10/31/00
Q: Dear Jim,
Hello. I have been dating the same guy for almost 3 years now. First 2 years of our relationship
was wonderful and we were inseparable. However, in the past about 8 months or
so, things have really taken a turn, and for me for the worst for our relationship.He also to me can not be trusted as he once was. He quite often
makes promises he cannot keep and says he will do things to help out around
the house or just in general and more often than not, I am always left to do
everything.I have spoken to him on all of my concerns, with no hope of
improvement it seems, so I then have several times asked him to move out, and
he seems to not take me seriously and then days and weeks go on as if I never
mentioned it. He is this way when we have an argument as well. Thank You.A: How 'bout you move out? I've never been an advocate of the live in relationship. It's my opinion that they thwart commitment. Some guys might think, " why buy the cow when I can live in the cow's barn?" No offense intended ladies!
Think twice next time.
Certainly there'll be folks who'll disagree with me. If any write, I'll post it here. You deserve more than one opinion so hopefully others will write to share their views.
Q: Jim,
I am seventeen, on the verge of eighteen years old. I have been
fortunate enough to take the greatest girl on earth to my Senior Homecoming.
She is perfect in every way and drops mouths when she walks down the halls at
school. Although she tells others we are only good friends, she is at my
house every night and we spend a lot of time together. She acts as though she
wants to be more than just good friends and is constantly giving me cards to
brighten my day, but insists on telling everyone there is nothing there. I
want to express my feelings to her but fear what it will do to our friendship
if, in fact, that is all we have anyway. Although I have tried to read her
mind and call her shots, I have found it to be impossible. It is in your
hands now Jim. Please stop this confusion!A: Only you can stop the confusion. You sound overwhelmed by her good looks. Maybe she's overwhelmed by the dropping mouths and doesn't want to commit herself to anyone.
If she's a good friend, don't mess it up by "expressing your feelings." Be patient. Chances are she already knows how you feel. Sometimes people don't want things that can be too easily had. Be her friend but try not to need her. That gives her too much power over you. Trying to read her mind and call her shots will only amplify your confusion. Take your blinders off. Keep your eyes open and make time for someone who's not so "perfect." If she finds someone else with whom she does want more than friendship, it's likely you'd be hurt or angry and she's not worth it. Maybe she has romantic interest in you, maybe she doesn't! Don't let her string you along forever on a hook. Nobody wants a fish.
Q: Hi Jim,
I have a question regarding resolution and using my scanner.... Thanks! From Scottsdale, AZA: Visit www.ScanTips.com
10/12/00
Q: Jim,
I have a five-year-old son and in the last month and a half, he has
become very hateful and defiant. He was the sweetest little boy and all of a
sudden, he changed. Nothing I seem to do helps. I really don't know what
else to do.
I try calling his father but he doesn't return any of my phone calls.
My son is telling me that he hates me at least three times a day and that
breaks my heart. Last night, he actually told me that he wanted to die and
that he hated his life. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I seem to be doing anymore is yelling at him and punishing him. But
that still does not work. He tells me he doesn't care what I do.
If you could tell me what to do that will work, it would be very
appreciated. Thank you,****A: Yours is a tough question and you've given me very little to go on. It seems that if your child had been happy and content up until a month and a half ago, something traumatic may have happened to him to cause the sudden change. What big changes have there been in his/your life recently?
Children sometimes reflect the emotions and attitudes of the significant people in there lives. Is there anyone close to him who is hateful, defiant or unhappy with their life? Has there been a lot of conflict between you and the child's father?
Your son needs you and his father to be his friends, not just disciplinarians. If you find that all you're doing is yelling at him and punishing him, he must think you don't like him. Do you make plenty of time to play with him on his level and give him your undivided attention?
It seems to me that children who don't get enough attention from their parents will sometimes do things just to piss people off...because they get attention that way. A child would rather be yelled at, than be ignored.
It has been said that if you want to change your children, you'll need to change yourself. You should seek counsel from someone trained in dealing with problems like this.
10/11/00
Q: Hi Jim
I'm getting along in years and would like to know how to check out
real-estate in other parts of the country. I'm thinking of retiring soon.
Is there a web site that I could go to? Jerry
9/28/00
Q: Thank you Jim for any advice you may have to offer me!How do you do. I'm the mother of two adolescent daughters. One 15, and
one 12. I'm separated, and am very much in love with a man who lives way
across the country from us, who also is very IN love with me.I have never written anyone for advice before in my life. But, I am at
such a total loss of what to do I have broken down and decided to
confide in you....My concern is this...
***** and I met over here where I live over a year ago, we plan to marry
eventually and want to reside where HE'S living now, way across the
country. We are so tired of having this long distance relationship, and
want to be together so badly. We have decided that the children and I
would move with him for the starting of the next school year which would
be for September 2001.However, my daughters do NOT want to move way over there. They despise
the mere thought of it. They love their lives here and are so totally
against moving! This breaks MY heart! And every time the subject of
moving comes up they are heartbroken, they are in full tears, and are
just so unhappy and firmly against the move! They say that they would
rather die than move so far away from home! I am so torn up about all
of this.I love my daughters, they're my whole life! I'm also so very IN love for
the first time in my life with the most wonderful, loving man in the
world. Because of my love's work and other important reasons, it would
be simply out of the question for him to move here with us. There is
nothing stopping us from moving there with him, actually I want to move,
but such is not the case with my two daughter's.I am so upset about all of this. I am at a total loss here. I am at your
mercy!!! I do not know what to do! Can you help me??? I would so
appreciate any advice you may have to offer, or anyone else for that
matter on this situation. I know you are probably so swamped with e-mails
to write, but I sure hope you find the time to share your advice and
opinions with me! Thank you.
Sincerely yours, **** *******A: To me, your most important sentence was, "I love my daughters, they're my whole life!"
Their statement that they would rather die than go is also a very serious matter.
My first thought is that you should do what's in the best interest of your children. I suspect you feel the same, otherwise you would have made your decision and would not be asking me for advice.
Things to consider:
- Do your kids have a relationship with their father and will moving across the country diminish it?
- If your children are against the move, will that make it difficult for them to accept this man you plan to marry?
- This man loves you but does he love your children? Does he know them?
- Decide which is more important over the long run, your children's needs or yours.
- In a few very short years, your daughters will be striking out on their own.
You asked me to share my opinions and my reply has been just that, opinion. As stated above, please don't make major decisions based entirely on my advice. You requested the advice or opinions of readers. If any people write with words about your question or my reply I'll post it here.
A viewer wrote with this to say about your situation:
Stay! You stated the most important issue....our children's life isn't
something we get a second chance at...you say they are the most
important...now you must show them....even if that means sacrificing. Your
children are for however long your gifted with them....a
relationship......???????who knows! You may lose your children to anger and
rebellion if you do something they are not comfortable with....hey, if he
loves you so much, he should be concerned about this...let him move...or
forget him.
9/19/00
Q: Hi I'm looking for an aerial photo of Hobbs Pond in Hope, Maine any ideas where I can get one??? thanks,A: How about a satellite photo of Hobbs Pond? Use the zoom buttons at the top of the picture and the navigation arrows around the picture to find the spot you want. To find the pond I did a search for "Hope, Maine" in the "Find a specific place" box at Terraserver. You must use a comma between the city and state name. Thanks for writing.
9/18/00
Q: Hi Jim
I have a fully manual SLR camera and my question is:
How does one photograph say a stream and get the water to appear blurred
like fog and the rest of the scene is normal ? I really think these type of
pictures are cool and I would like to know how to do it.
ThanksA: Mount your camera on a tripod and select a shutter speed of 1/4 or slower. Experiment. One or two seconds should get you the effect you're looking for. In bright daylight (especially with fast film) those slow shutter speeds might cause over exposure. Waiting for the sun to go down or shooting in areas of heavy shade or on overcast days can help.
9/8/00
Q: Dear Jim,I saw the picture of Malden, MA on your site. That picture is awesome!
The way the light looks like beams is amazing. How did you do that?Kim
A: Thank you for the compliment on my picture. To make that image I used a tripod and opened the shutter for a few seconds. Before closing the shutter I slowly tilted the camera toward the ground which caused the lights in the picture to streak to the top of the frame. The ground beneath the camera was dark and therefore had no effect.
9/5/00
Q: Thanks in advance for any advice Jim!I am the parent of a 13 year old boy. He has started to show signs of being a
true teenager lately! When he got home from school today, he asked if I had
taped a favorite program of his. I said I didn't because he did not provide
me with a tape to record on. He proceeded to lock himself in his room. He
said he didn't want supper and didn't want to talk to me. My question is,
should I have forced the issue and made him eat supper with the rest of the
family or let him cool off?A: First, allow me to say thanks for saying "Thanks".
Yep, it seems letting him sit this one out was the right choice. I've been told you've got to pick your battles when it comes to kids. If we force our kids conform to our every command we'd be fighting much to often and friendship can quickly vanish. Some things just aren't worth fighting about. My Father often said "You've got to be flexible." That makes sense because inflexible things sometimes snap.
Missing a meal is a choice we ought to afford a 13 year old…occasionally. He certainly won't starve. We all know he'll be searching for snack later on.
There's a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's All Small Stuff ". We've got a copy of it kicking around here someplace. I'll never find it but who cares?
8/28/00
Q: Jim,My fiance' and I broke up on Sat.(two days ago) and I miss him dearly.
What happened was we were in an argument; and I wanted to see for once what
would happen if I didn't hold my tongue so I didn't and the words "Take your
stuff and get out" came flying out of my mouth. He took me seriously and
moved out and is not speaking to me. I am always meek and never voice my
opinions(at least not in anger) and now that I have I am deeply regretting
it, I have told him this but he will not come back nor speak to me. He
talks to our mutual friends and tells them in the same conversation that he
doesn't know whether he want to be with me or not and 10 mins later will say
that he doesn't want to be with me again. We have done this 3 times before
except it has always been him leaving me. He always comes back. I'm just
not sure if he will this time and that worries me. He left a lot of his
favorite things at the house.(His favorite ashtrays and jewelry as well as
some clothes) and says that he still loves me and hopes to be my friend,
does this sound to you like he might come back? We've been together for
11/2 years.A: What man, of sound mind, would leave behind his beloved ashtrays? He'll be back. By the way, have you set a date for the wedding?
All rude sarcasm aside, you said the words came flying out of your mouth, as if you had no control over it. Could it be that you hold your tongue too often? Somehow, you'll need to learn to speak your mind before anger pops the cork. Being meek and never voicing your opinions can cause you to fit together with people who'll take advantage of you.
Good luck and thanks for writing.
8/12/00
Q: My father and I was just wondering how do you turn a negative photo into a
larger size? We just don't see how it is possible to turn a small photo into
something of larger sizes. I was just watching a show on the history channel and we
was just wondering how film is exposed. I really don't know how to put my
question into words. Thank you.A: Light is projected through the negative. The negative casts it's shadow onto light sensitive photographic paper. The further away the photographic paper is from the negative, the larger the shadows and resulting print.
Visit this page at HowStuffWorks.com for more information.
5/31/00
Q: I am 30 years old. I am in love with a man that is married. I feel when we are together that he loves me too. He never says it, but he looks at me like he really wants to say it, but doesn't. How do I find out if he is? He does not open his feeling very easy.A: Ask him, not Jim.
4/6/00 Q: Where can I get a manual on computer parts. I want to know what each
part does. A online or reg. book.A: Give this page a try courtesy of How Stuff Works.com.
4/4/00 Q: I am 16 and in love with the greatest person I could have ever met we have known each other for about three years and have been seeing each other for a while. I'm in love with him and he is in love with me. He is 18 by the way. The problem is, is that he is married and has a child. Him and his wife are separated now. But I'm worried that once a cheater always a cheater and that someday he might cheat on me :( ! I Love him with all my heart and god knows I would do anything for him. Do you think that my love for him could change that and make him not decide to cheat or do you think once a cheater always a cheater? Please Help me it worries me a lot.
A: To specifically address your question, " Do you think that my love for him could change that and make him not decide to cheat...?" In my opinion, when dishonorable person is supported and worshiped, they are likely to become even more dishonorable. In other words, your love for him and willingness to "do anything for him" will not mold him into a better person and might do just the opposite.
3/29/00 Q: Dear Jim, My friend thinks her next door neighbor is scanning her phone. I wanted to know if there is a way to find out if they really are scanning her. Thank you for your time.
A: While on her cordless phone she could try saying something like this. "I'm looking out my window and there's someone breaking into my next door neighbor's car!" If the neighbor snaps on the porch light and comes heading for the car with rifle in hand, that could be a clue.
All cordless telephones can be easily monitored with the right equipment. Even spread spectrum or voice scrambling telephones are subject to eavesdropping. Cordless phone users should be aware that their neighbors and passing motorists up to 1/2 mile away could be listening in. Sensitive information (credit card numbers, dirty secrets etc.) should never be divulged on any cordless telephone including cell phones.
3/21/00 Q: Thanks for the site Jim :) I slammed the sliding door on my 1993 Ford Aerostar mini van and can't get it open. I unbolted all the bolts I could see and the thing still wouldn't budge. Any ideas?
A: Check inside the door for a rod that runs from the release lever to the release mechanism. The rod might be disconnected. Good luck. Write back when you get the door open.
Follow-Up: Jim, Thank you for your help. I followed your advice and reached in, found the rod, moved it around and presto, the door opened. I then took the opportunity to explain to my seven year old son how not giving up and having patience can pay off. John
3/18/00 Q: Dear Jim,
I am a 33 year old mother of one. He is seventeen. His father was killed when he was 4. I have never married. I have been with the same man for the last ten years. We never lived together but our love and relationship was good. It has been 2 months since he left me for something or someone else. He is turning forty this year and has a problem with that. My question for you is how do I go on with my life? I know people lose family and friends to death and there are separations and divorces. I am grieving this like it were a death. I don't know what to do. I feel ugly, lonely and empty. I can't force myself to get out of bed a lot. I have a very good job but haven't been there much lately. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love anyone except my son. My family has been there for me but they are getting tired of the crying and feeling sorry for myself. Can you give me some words of wisdom that I can think of each day just to get by that day? I am grateful for what I have but it doesn't replace this emptiness that won't subside. Thank you for any advice you or the other readers can give.A: I have no training in this area so please, if you find yourself in a downward spiral and severely depressed, get help from a professional.
You said, "I can't force myself to get out of bed a lot." For you to recover from the hurt, anger and emptiness you feel, you'll need stay out of bed unless you're sleeping. I suspect you're choosing to stay in bed, where it's comfortable.
The key is deciding what you really want. Do you want your boyfriend back and have everything just like it was or do you want to get over this and become a stronger, more independent, self-reliant person? If your answer is that you want your boyfriend back, I can't help you.
It might help to make plans to do something fun with your son. Have you been on a vacation lately? If you have something to look forward to, something which removes you from your daily routine, that might help you to start recovering. Do you have any hobbies? Get outdoors and be active. Exercise and sunshine has been reported to help depression. Take walks. Plant a garden. Offer to help someone else who is troubled. Your son perhaps. He needs you to be stable and happy more than you need your boyfriend back.
If you dwell on the things or conditions you don't have, you'll stay despondent. Your family is tired of you feeling sorry for yourself. Are you tired of it? Often times people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. You must make a conscious and continuous effort to improve your outlook. That power is within you. Reclaim it!
If readers write me with advice for you, I'll post it here.
Follow-up: Dear Jim, A word to your 33yo. Ditto on your excellent advice especially about spending time with her son. A word of encouragement --- After several disappointing love affairs and a failed marriage, I had the most romantic and fulfilling relationship of my life at age 42!! Hang in there one day at a time. Your Big sister, age 50
Follow-up: Dear Jim, Thank you and your readers for the advice. I will try one day at a time to do it. You have made some very interesting and helpful points. I will get back with you in a couple of weeks to let you know how well I am doing. Thank you again.
3/12/00 Follow-up: Dear Jim, How'd you get so smart? I have read all of the questions and comments on Ask Jim, to date. (I am new to the Internet). I am blown away by your no-nonsense answers and your wit. I shudder to think of all the money and and time I have spent getting professional advise, when my own little brother has such insights. I can only think that somehow you have missed your calling, but then again the Lord works in mysterious ways. I am proud to be in the same family as you because our family values and traditions shine through in your answers and comments. I hope you keep up with this remarkable contribution to your readers. I'm sure you will continue to bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. Love, Your Sister, Cilla
3/12/00 Q: I am a 12 year old white male. I have brown hair, green eyes, and love sports. I am wondering if you can tell me what kind of girl I need to go out with.
A: What kind? How about a girl who's patient, considerate of others, self-confident, responsible, blah, blah, blah. Of course if you think she's pretty that would help too.
At 12, I'm not really sure you should "need" to go out with a girl. There'll be plenty of time later in life for you to deal with relationships. No need to complicate your life any sooner than you have to.
3/11/00 Q: Jim, I have 2 questions one is about my computer. I cannot get it to open Win 98. I got a message that some of config.sys files are corrupted. Can I copy these files from my CD back onto the hard drive or what?
Also, I am separated from my husband, I am 38 and my husband is 39 last year we were having some serious problems in our marriage and had been separated for 2 days when he took a 20 year old girl to our home to spend the night with. Now he wants to work things out but I am so hurt and my self-confidence is shattered. I am not bad looking and have been told often that I look a lot younger than I am. I recently met someone who that would like to be more than friends we both know the others situations and neither one of us wants to enter into anything long term or serious, but physically we are attracted. I sure could use a boost to myself esteem, but he is only 31. Help me, I don't know what to do. No Confidence
A: On the first config.sys question, I don't know the answer.
The second question, I don't know what you should do either. I can only offer a few things to consider.
Sure, it might make you feel better (at least temporarily) if you get together with this 31-year-old guy. Will you do it only to boost your self-esteem and get revenge at your husband? Do those seem like good reasons to you? Decide if your marriage is worth saving before making your decision.
3/1/00 Q: How can you get a child to clean her room at the age of 13? She doesn't
think it is important because nobody sees it. When she wants to do something
she can't because her room is not clean? I want to turn this around so she
see the value of keeping a clean room. Thanks, KathyA: If you waited till she's 13 before asking her to clean up her room, it might be too late. A clean room is the last thing on a 13 year old's mind. Is the rest of the house neat and tidy? Is your room clean?
If you think she's ready to turn a new leaf and keep her room clean, offer to help her once, and make it seem an easy task.
2/21/00 Q: Dear Jim,
I'm in a tough spot right now and I don't even know where to begin. I am 18 and am finishing up my last semester of high school. My parents expect me to live under their wing forever, and I find it too difficult to live at home any more due to the relationship with my family. I would like to move out as soon as I graduate, but my parents have made it clear that they will offer no financial support what-so-ever if I do so. However, if I stay at home then they will let me keep my car and will support my college. They are trying to " Trap " me at home by threatening to take away any and all support if I decide to leave. My mother says I have no responsibility, but yet I've never given them reason to think that. I don't do what most other kids my age do: drink, party, and do drugs. I think that my dad is doing this because I have a serious boyfriend that moved out when he was 17, and he feels that he's influencing me to move out. I will have no support at all if I move out, but I think I would be better off broke and happy than living in my parents wealth and being miserable. I am willing to give everything up to move out because I think I would be better off emotional. This too means that I will have to pay for my own college and expenses. What do you think about the situation? People always say "Do what makes you happy", but is this a wise decision?A: Your quest for independence and happiness is commendable. But, you want to have your cake and eat it too. Do you have some kind of plan for your life? Maybe your trying to shed off your parents plans for you. Do you even want to attend college? It's not for everybody but it can't hurt.
Determine if you could support yourself if you did move out... "right after High School graduation." What if you move out, can't deal with it, then want to move back in your parents house? Do you think they'll say "sure come on back and we saved the car for ya"? It would be smart to ask about that stuff ahead of time.
You feel your parents are trying to trap you. It could be that you're setting your own trap and don't see it.
Make sure your wings have a few flight feathers before you leap from the nest. It's a long way to the ground!
2/21/00 Q: Hi...I have a computer question. When turning on my daughter's computer (Gateway), a screen appears where you have to type in your password in order to go any further. This prevents anyone from looking at or getting into any
of her documents. I have a Dell computer and can not find this feature
anywhere. Thanks for any help you can give me. KathyA: Thanks for writing Kathy. Click start, settings, control panel, double click the passwords icon. The rest is self explanatory. That's for Windows 95, it may be slightly different for 98 or 2000. Some programs like Quicken and MS Office applications for example, offer password protection for individual files.
Follow-up: Thank you for your help recently regarding my computer question. It worked. Your reply was incredibly quick and accurate and I appreciate it. Checked out your website - your photography is wonderful. You must be having a great time with this and be really pleased with it's incredible popularity. I came upon this just by looking for someone to answer my question and now I have added it to my favorites. Thanks again. Kathy
2/20/00 Q: Okay, I got one for you and I promise to take your advice with a grain of
salt. Here goes, we've had this problem with our computer and tried several
things but I'll just start at the beginning. It's a Pentium II and two years
old. We replaced the power source about 6 months ago. A few months after that
this new problem started. The monitor will actually black out for a few
seconds. We can't find anything that we're doing to start it or to stop it.
We've had the video card tested and it's fine. Our computer guy said it may
be the monitor but didn't have a way of checking it. Another computer guy
said it could be the power regulator. Is there a way of checking these things
ourselves. We feel we're getting the run around. If you know of a site that
could help or advice to test, it would be greatly appreciated. There are so
many sites out there, and I've only gone through a few dozen. Thanks, MaggieA: To check your monitor, let some else who has a computer borrow it for a while. Make sure they use different cords, the power cord and if possible, the one that runs from the video card to the monitor. If the monitor still blacks out on their computer using different cords, then it's the monitor.
I suspect it's one of the cords or the video card might not be making good contact in it's slot on the motherboard. Re-seating the video card might solve the problem. Do so at your own risk.
2/12/00 Q: I am a 28 yr old that is married and have been for 3 yrs. Right now me and my wife are going through a crisis. She says she isn't happy and she feels a lot of her unhappiness is due to her having most of the responsibilities and raising our child, while I work 2 jobs in order to try to save money for a home. She is staying at her moms apartment to sort out things and for me to see what all her responsibilities are. Since I have been working 2 jobs she has been feeling lonely and that she has to much
responsibility. I am so sad right now cause she is not here, and it worries
me that she stays by her self cause a lot of things could happen.
She also says I buy her to much and to me that is just my way of showing
her that I care and that I want to provide for her. I love her with all my
soul and heart. She especially has my heart.... I just don't know what to
do. She told me that she is coming home Monday. Does women go through this
kind of thing or what? Please tell me what to do to rekindle the flame of
love in order to make it stronger. Also I trust her and she told me that
there was no one else, but there is still doubt in the back of my mind.
Please help, Between a rock and a hard placeA: Do you really need to work two jobs? Too much ambition can be worse than not enough. Your wife wants you to spend time with her, not just buy things for her. Do you enjoy being with your wife?
Being a stay at home mother to raise children is often a more demanding and stressful task than going to work for pay. Also, the duties of running a household need to be shared by both partners. If you're at work all the time, when do you have time to be a parent to your child? This response by your wife may be the wake up call you need. Don't let it go unanswered.
2/4/00 Q: The subject is "conjecture". We both know this is an "inference from defective or presumptive evidence" or "a conclusion deduced by surmise or guesswork" (Merrium-Webster). I was wondering how much of a part does conjecture play in the seemingly sound answers you give in your advice column. Please know that this question is not an affront on your character or the integrity of your column. Rick
A: Conjecture does play a part in this page. How much a part? You decide.
1/29/00 Q: I can't find any reference in all my manuals as how to use "Print Screen". Can you help?
A: On a PC running Windows, pressing the print screen key copies the screen as an image to the clipboard. To demonstrate, do the following: Press print screen, open a graphics program, (click start, programs, accessories, paint), from the edit menu select paste. The image will display as a graphics file, you can then save it or print it.
In DOS, the screen will be sent to the printer by holding shift while hitting print screen.
1/27/00 Q: Hi I am currently with this guy. He's 26 and I'm 18. We've been together
for two months now and he is getting an apartment soon. Is it to early to move in with him?A: In my opinion, yes.
1/27/00 Q: Dear Jim: I'm 18 years old. I have been with the same guy for almost a year now. We are about to move in together. The only problem that I have with him is that he has major mood swings. I can't seem to handle them anymore! I love him to death, but his mood swings are killing the relationship! I don't know what to about them anymore. I usually just them off. Sooner or later he cools down and is in a perfectly good mood. What should I do? Please help! Thanks a million.
A: It's not your responsibility to fix his mood swings. You are mostly responsible for the situations you put yourself into. The more "love" he gets from you, the less likely he is to see his mistakes. You said you can't handle the mood swings and they are killing the relationship. When you move in with him, his mood swings will have an even bigger impact on you.
1/20/00 Q: My name is Stephanie and I am 15. I have been dating this guy for almost 5 months. He is the same age as me. He constantly makes plans with me, but then breaks them over something. He says that he will be home a certain times, or that he is coming over and he never does. Then he says that he forgot. Some people have told me to break up with him, and some people have told me not to. I'm just not sure. I really like him, but I am not sure what to do. Please help me...Thank you, Stephanie
A: You cannot control the way he is. Hopefully, you can control the way you react to his inconsiderate actions. Try not to let your happiness hinge on what he does or doesn't do. Don't need him so much.
It could be that he makes plans with you more often than he really wants to, then breaks them as a result. Do you ever pressure him to make plans with you? You might not even realize you're doing it. Sounds like you need more of his time than he is willing to give. Seek other people and activities to occupy your spare time.
1/12/00 Q: Jim, I have a question. I am 14 and my dad yells at my boyfriend when he
calls. Ever since I told my boyfriend I loved him, in front of my dad, He has been
acting weird. He tells me to clean my room when nothing is messed up and he
has been acting weird towards me. My question is why? I figure you might know.A: I suspect most fathers would have strange reactions in a situation like you described. That's a tough line for the father of a 14 year old girl to hear. Could it be that your father is unsure of your love for him? Have you told your father you loved him lately... in front of your boyfriend?
1/9/00 Q: Dear Jim,
My name is Megan and I am a 16 year old female. I haven't seen my dad since I was 2 and that was in a supermarket. He hasn't given me anything throughout my entire life. My mom is not well off therefore she can not afford to but me a car for my birthday. I know my dad's address so I could write him if I wanted to. Everyone, including my mom, is telling me to write him and tell him that he hasn't given me anything my entire life that the least he could do is buy me a new car for my 17th birthday (the 29th). I don't feel right doing this but everyone says he owe's it to me. What do you think. Thank you for your help! Sincerely, MeganA: Thank you for writing. If you don't feel right about it Megan, don't ask him. I think for you, the issue isn't a car it's the lack of your fathers presence in your life. I can't imagine how different my life would be if I had never known my father.
If you do want to get to know him, a letter could break the ice. Remember, you only know what others have told you about him. If the first thing you tell him is all the complaints you've heard about him over the years, that won't help. It's possible that getting to know your father would help you more than any car. I may be wrong about that but I wanted to throw a little objectivity into the mix.
1/6/00 Q: Hi. I am 13 years old and have a Boyfriend who is 13. I have a problem that I am not comfortable talking about to my parents or friends. My boyfriends name is **** and we have been going out for about 2 months now. Before we started going out we went to the movies and he tried going up my shirt. I would not let him and now we are going to the movies again this Friday. He tells me all of the time that he is going to do this again and he thinks I will let him now because we are going out now. But I don't know what to do if he tries this again. Should I let him and just go along with it or should I say no again? Please try your hardest to answer me before this Friday, I am really concerned and I need your advice. I can not talk about this to my parents or friends. Thank you for your help.
A: Insist that he respect your wishes in that department. You shouldn't let him do anything you're not comfortable with. Don't go along with his groping just to be accepted by him. He's not worth it. Another trip to the movies might not be wise.
1/5/00 Q: Dear Jim, I think my head has been screwed with. I have had two boyfriends who have cheated on me. I've been with my third boyfriend for over a year. He is really great. He's told me that he would never do anything of the sort. He said that he doesn't believe in cheating. He's even told me that he wants to marry me someday. I do believe that, but I'm so paranoid that that might happen again to me. Why am I so paranoid? Should I believe him?
A: Yes, you should believe him. You might never fully trust him until you forgive the two who did cheat on you. When I say forgive I don't mean to condone or justify. To forgive is to move beyond the emotions of judgment and resentment.
1/4/00 Q: Hi! Um... kind of a silly question, but it came up at work the other day, and no one can find the answer. How do they make rubber bands? Any help, even a goofy answer would be appreciated. We're all stumped! KT
A: I'll take a guess. Before new rubber has cured it is forced through and opening (extruded) which forms it into a tubular shape, similar to a bicycle inner tube. Remember your Play-Doh Fun Factory? Same concept. After the rubber cures it is cut into rubber bands. If readers have any words to offer about this send e-mail.
1/3/00 Question: Jim how do I get a file out of Microsoft Works into an e-mail. Could you answer quickly as I am sending a resume that needs to be there tomorrow morning.
Answer: We'll assume your are using a PC, not a Mac. Open the resume in Works. Type Ctrl + A (select all.) Type Ctrl+C (copy). Close Works and open your e-mail program. Create and address an e-mail. Click inside the body section of the e-mail and type Ctrl + V (paste.) Bang, there it is. All Works formatting will be lost so you'll need to fix it up a bit.
1/2/00 Question: Dear Jim, I am engaged to be married in 5 months. I thought I met the man of my dreams. Hard-working fun loving etc. I have a 9 year old daughter. I was very young when I had her. I am 22 and he is 23. We have only been living together about 3 months. We fight ALL the time. He is always sorry for picking these fights with me. I don't understand him. One minute he is as loving as the day I met him and other times he's cold. I actually have been thinking of canceling the wedding, but I do love him. I just feel lost. Do you think he just has the jitters?
Answer: Maybe you have the jitters and for good reason. Constant fighting won't go well in a marriage and won't help your daughter. How does she feel about you marrying this guy? You're considering calling of the wedding. That's a sure sign that things aren't right. Listen to your conscience.
1/1/00 Question: I have a Uniden BC 145XL scanner radio and I'm having a hard time programming frequencies. Would you know how to or a web site that I can go and find information on this type of scanner.
Answer: The Uniden Web site did not list a 145XL but did list a 144XL. Contact Uniden America Customer Service (800) 297-1023 to see if they can provide a manual for your model.
We'll assume yours is similar to the 144XL with a two digit LED display. Turn the unit on. Push the manual button until 01 appears on the display. Enter the desired frequency using the number keypad. Push the enter or E key. Push manual again for channel 2, then enter another frequency.
For more scanning radio info visit this page.
12/26/99 Question: Hi, I've been reading your page for a while. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months. During our relationship, she developed an obsession with my best friend. I found some e-mail's she had sent to her friend (online) about my best friend, I confronted her. She explained that it was just a little crush, "Nothing to worry about. Its only you" She is an avid church attender. Not so much the service, but the different groups that some churches offer. Now, my girlfriend probably has the best intentions, but she flirts with the people there. She isn't a particularly flirty person, but she has several odd quirks. She loves wearing other peoples clothing (hats, jackets), and also just has fun with people. She tells me in detail about what she does there, including the flirting (that I don't thing she intends to do) and the guys there hitting on her. This bothers me, and after I found out that she had liked my best friend, I have had a raging jealousy. Is this just? Or am I just overreacting? How can I tell her how much this bothers me. HELP! Thanks.
Answer: If she's a flirt, why are you making excuses (3) for her? Most men I know would not want a girlfriend who is a flirt.
Is your relationship worth the "raging jealousy" you experience? Do the negative aspects of your relationship outweigh the positive ones? Think about that and then think about it some more. Could it be that you are attracted to her because she gives you reason to be angry? Get over this girl and chill out dude. Don't let your anger get the best of you.
Don't even try to tell her how much her flirting bothers you. You can't change the person she is and it's not wise to try. You have the ability to move beyond all this or let jealousy drag you down. Make the right choice.
12/23/99 Question: Dear Jim: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. The problem I have is his ex-girlfriend. They e-mail each other about once a week. She still visits his aunt and grandmother. Even though she lives with her new boyfriend she has professed that she wants my boyfriend back. She sent him a letter 3 months ago that dogged me and signed it with Love. He has never addressed this letter that she sent to him and I feel as if he didn't stand up for me. I don't understand why he wants a friendship with her when he knows how much it bothers me. I have never spoken, seen or written her. He tells me to trust him. He tells me that I'm the only one
he wants. Am I just being insecure and controlling?Answer: Many women in a similar situation would feel the same as you do. Don't worry about it too much. If his ex girl friend can get him back, let him go! You might be better off.
12/21/99 Question: I put a magnet on the computer screen. Please help me fix the computer screen.
Answer: I did the same thing once when I was a kid only it was the TV screen. After a few days the strange colored marks disappeared. Hopefully, your problem will fix itself. Give it time.
12/11/99 Question: Dear Jim.... I left my boyfriend of one year and 9 months and now I am regretting it. I miss him so much and I want him to take me back, but he won't. I am so terribly unhappy. I need to find some advice to help dealing with it........ I am so unhappy. Erin
Answer: You need to talk to someone close to you about this. A parent, sister or close friend. Relationships, or lack thereof, are often the cause of depression for people. If you show signs of depression such as loss of appetite, inability to sleep, isolation etc, you should seek professional help.
Here are some things to consider. Very often, we don't fully appreciate things until we loose them. On the other hand, sometimes we only want things we can't have. You didn't say why you left him, possibly it was for valid reasons. Could it be that you only want him back for selfish reasons? Is it his good character and other qualities that you seek or do you just want your boyfriend back? Soon, you'll likely meet someone else you like and your heartache will fade. Keep your eyes open for those opportunities. Stay aware of and appreciate good things in your life, such as your health, family, etc.
12/10/99 Question: Hi I just meet a girl and I wonder if I should ask her out? I would ask her out to go with some friends to the movie should I ask or not?
Answer: Go for it! Be prepared in advance for her to decline your offer, in which case, go to the movie just the same. Good luck. Thanks for writing.
12/2/99 Question: How can I get this girl I really care about to take our relationship from being just "friends" to being "boyfriend/girlfriend"? She broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago and we started dating 2 weeks later. She has told me that she doesn't really want to get in another relationship right now, but she has told other people that she does and with me. I am very confused. She has dated a few other people, but every time I want to go out with someone else she gets very upset and doesn't want me to do it. Do you have any advice? We are both 17 and seniors in High School.
Answer: She dates other people... and you don't because it upsets her? What is going on? Of course she doesn't want you to date other girls. You'll find someone you like more than you like her! Sounds like you're being strung along, but don't blame her for it. Do you like this girl too much?
If she considers you a "friend" as you say in your first sentence, enjoy that friendship for what it is. Don't let her emotional upset prevent you from finding a girlfriend.
12/1/99 Question: Dear Jim,
I have a Christmas gift question for you. I am a 20 year old college student and I have been together with my boyfriend for the past 9 months. There are certain things I know he would love to have--camping equipment, a car cd player-- but I don't want to buy him something too expensive or come off as too cheap. I would love some gift suggestions from a guy. Well, any advice you can give me will be appreciated- thanks!
-unsure in Florida :)Answer: I suggest you make something or customize a gift with your own hands. Consider a crafts project or a collage. If you buy him a gift, you could customize it to give it a more personal touch. Whatever he gets, don't worry about it. If he's a smart guy, the gifts you give him won't change his opinion of you.
11/29/99 Question: What is the average IQ, for a boy at about 14 years old and in 8th grade?
Answer: Average IQ should be about 100 for any age. Age is a factor in the scoring of most IQ tests. Roughly seven out of ten people have IQ's between 85 and 115.
11/18/99
Question: Hello Jim I don't have any personal problems, but I have to tell you I am new to the Net. For about 10 yrs now I have been trying to find an old movie, "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" starring Kim Darby. It came out in 1973. I don't know how to search for it. I've tried every search for movies possible but they don't ask you what your searching for. I'm lost if you can offer me any info on how to go about finding this I would really be greatful if not, thank you anyway.Answer: Found this at the Internet Movie Database.
11/11/99
Question:Dear Jim,
I have been married for a little over a year now but my husband and I are having some problems. He is still seeing a girl that he use to see before we got married. He claims that they are just friends and she says the same but it really is a cover up. I caught them at the movies a few weeks ago and the next day I moved out. He asked that I give him some time to get his life right with God and to take care of some things so that he can be a good husband to me. I know that he is trying to get his his life right with God because I see it in his everyday actions. This girl and I have talked a few times and she claims she is my friend too but she really wants him for herself. He has been open with me and told me that she does want him but that he will take care of the situation. I love him to death and I know he loves me but he has some changes he needs to make in his life. My question is what should I do in the meantime?Signed, Angry, Hurt, and Confused
Answer: You said, "...he has some changes he needs to make in his life." The way I see it, it's you who needs to make changes in your life by deciding how much of his BS you are willing to put up with!
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10/22/99
Question: My husband is working in the downtown Boston area and currently commuting from Maine. I have tried unsuccessfully to find him a room with weekly rates that we can afford. He has been in a few 'different' places, but to be
honest they were actually scary. Is there a rooming house, YMCA or motel in
Saugus that we could inquire about lodging? (He is a non smoker.)
Thank You.Answer: I'm not aware of any rooming houses in the area. Here is a list of Saugus hotels.
10/16/99
Question: I have had a terrible relationship with my mother (until recently), when I was younger she would always put me down, saying things like " You are never going to be anything" and "You are just like your father". She never trusted me and when things went wrong I was always to blame. This started when I was very young and continued until I moved out. I always loved my mother dearly throughout all of this but still felt very upset most of the time. I have since confronted my mother with all of this and we have made some progress as far as making the relationship better and communicating. I have finally been able to deal with this and move on somewhat though it is an ongoing process for me. Now I have another problem, I have a very hard time trusting the man that I am going to marry. I feel that he will leave me or cheat on me with someone that is prettier or more outgoing, etc. He has never given me any reason to feel this way and is very reassuring when I do. We get along wonderfully except for this, it is a definite problem. I know it hurts him but I truly feel this way sometimes until I rationally think about it then I feel awful but I can't help it. It is a day to day occurrence and I know that it hurts him to think that I feel he would do this to me. I think about it all of the time and know it is very unhealthy and unfair to both of us and I would really appreciate any advice you could give. I have a strong feeling that this stems from the problems that I had with my mother, because he is truly my best friend and the one I trust with every other aspect of my life, as I thought my mother was as well. But she hurt me very deeply and now I just expect him to do the same because I love him so much as I do my mother. Thank you for "listening".
Just MeAnswer: Thank you for writing. You seem to have more insight than the average 21 year old. Your relationship, or lack thereof, with your father could be a factor in all of this. Did your mother not trust him? Was he a trustworthy guy?
Understand that your mother could not control her mistrust of you, just as you cannot control your mistrust of your husband to be. You said yourself, "I can't help it." Neither could she! With that in mind it may be easier to completely forgive her. If that happens, fear of your man cheating may dissipate.
When we judge our parents for their shortcomings to a point where the judging becomes ingrained in us, sometimes we are are attracted to mates we can judge and the cycle continues. Of course, that's not always the case.
Your question is a difficult one. I'm just an average guy with no training in dealing with these types of issues.
Question: I have two grown children: a 19-year-old son and a 21-year-old daughter. They both still live at home. Both are independent and employed. Though neither one of them pays rent. Here's my problem. My son has always had a difficult personality. He likes to say no and argue just for the sake of argument, he's moody and inconsiderate, and frequently even his friends throw their hands up and refuse to have anything to do with him. On the flip side, he can be thoughtful and charming when he puts his mind to it. Over the past year, he has become increasingly difficult - refusing to do chores, pushing a belligerent attitude about almost everything, arguing constantly, coming in and out of the house at all hours of the night, opening our house to his "friends" (even when he's not home), letting them eat, sleep, and bathe in our house. When he is confronted, he becomes angry, we have huge yelling fights, and sometimes things will get better for a little while, though eventually return to the same thing. I suspect drug use, but haven't been able to confirm or disprove it.
I am ready to tell the kid that, though I love him dearly, I am not willing to tolerate this type of behavior anymore, don't plan on being his safety net forever, and want him to find a place to live and move out of the house. We live in an area that is very expensive, with an extremely low housing vacancy rate, however, and I am afraid that I will be pushing him into god knows what. Considering the disruption he has caused in our household, is it even reasonable for me to worry about this? Leslie.
Answer: Your children may be independent but if they live under your roof, they're dependent on you for shelter. You're not doing them a favor by allowing them to live rent free. I'm going out on a limb here but I suspect your son has anger towards his father.
9/16/99
Question: How do you let a guy know that you like him with out coming out and saying it just in case he is not interested. NEED HELP ASAP
ConfusedAnswer: Realize that if he isn't interested, that's OK.
9/14/99
Question: Hi, My name is Barbara and I am 32 years old. I recently got married for the first time to an USMC Captain! I love him. We dated for 14 months before getting married. When everything should be just great, I have a low and I mean LOW sex drive. I also feel inadequate in life. Except for getting married, I have never completed anything in my life. I am in therapy but that does not seem to help. I feel like instead of being 32, I just as well be 92! I feel like I am too old to find myself, have children, have a career, or just about anything else. I do not want to burden my husband. He will listen and is more than supportive. But, I don't think he understands my sadness and how old I really feel. Is it too late in life for happiness and more?Answer: No, it's not too late. Your husband is a good listener and supportive so you won't be burdening him by telling him how you feel. Effective and frequent communication is crucial for healthy relationships. An increase in communication with your husband may lead to an increase in your sex drive. If your therapy is not helping you feel better about yourself, find a new therapist. If people have made you feel inadequate, try to forgive (not judge) them.
9/14/99
Question: A friend of mine is getting married and he is only 23 years old and I don't
know if he is doing the right thing. He seems very confused. He's looking
for a new job, a new house and he has a baby on the way. I want to help him
in the right direction. What should I do? He always seems to get himself
into these big situations. I am 33 and have done the same thing and I am
trying to help him from doing the same thing...............THANKS, RICHAnswer: I'm not sure I understand. Getting married, that's not a bad thing. Looking for a new job can be a step in the right direction. A new house? What's wrong with that? Beats paying rent, right? A baby on the way, what would you suggest he do about that?
What may have been mistakes for you might not be mistakes for your friend.
8/18/99
Question: I am 23 and have been dating a 45-year old man for about five months and have known him and worked at the same company (he is not my supervisor and I am not his and there are currently no company policies on dating) for 9 months. He has children around my age that live at home with him that I get along with well. He has brought up marriage and I have brought up wanting a family of my own. He has had a vasectomy and said he would be willing to have it reversed, but that is not a guarantee that we would be able to have children together. I am unsure about committing to him, without the promise of having children. I know him well, love him and trust him, but I am afraid he may change his mind about having more children. We have discussed it and he tells me we will deal with problems as they arise and there are no problems right now. Am I over- or under-reacting about getting seriously involved with an older man?Answer: He hasn't got down on one knee yet, so why worry about his ability to father children? If he does ask you to marry him, don't be afraid to refuse. Reversing a marriage can be more troublesome than reversing a vasectomy. I wish you the best and remember this, "When buying a hat... use your head."
8/16/99
Question: Hi Jim,
I am 16 years old and I have been with this guy (who is my same age) for 2 going on 3 years now. Everything is great, but recently he has been paying more attention to his car and also to going to the gym to I guess get bigger. He always tells me how much he loves me and how much he likes being around me, but sometimes I feel I am at his priority list. For instance I asked him if he could bring me to dance practice, but of course he said well I have to go work out today. I really love him and its not like if we broke up I couldn't go on living. And every time I ask somebody about our problems they just tell me I am to young to be in a serious relationship anyway and I just get tired of hearing that. So if you could help me on what I should do I would be very greatfull.Answer: As the two of you grow older your needs and values are changing. Expand your circle of friends and find new things to do that interest you. If he feels you depend too much on him for your happiness, that could be driving him away. If his interest in you is fading, it might best to dissolve your relationship. Have fun with your friends and let him go shine his car and pump up his muscles!
8/9/99
Question: Hey,
Well, I'm running for middle school vice-president and I have a tutor helping
me with some sort of humorous speech and I visited sites on advice and ideas
for my campaign. It's just I'm not sure I'm running for the right reasons.
For instance I want to make my mom happy 'cause she really wants me to run
for office. If I do win it'll do really well to help me get on the Junior
Honor Society which is a group of teens who are over-all good students with
sports, grades, and friends. The teachers pick these students. Anyway, I
know that I wouldn't like going to the student council meetings and things
like that, but I know it's good for my scholastic future and would make my mom
proud. What should I do? Should I run?Answer: You can run, but you can't hide....Get it?
Please help support this site. Shop at Amazon.com 8/9/99
Question: Jim, I am just starting out, at 53, to get into photography on a serious
basis. I currently have several thousand images, and would like to sell
some of them. The problem is, I don't know how to price these images.Is there a formula or other method that you would suggest, that I can
use to set a fair price? I also have a couple of contractors that I know
who want me to take site and progress photos for them. Again, I am at a
loss how to charge.Any advice you can, or would be willing, to give would be greatly
appreciated.Thanks John
Answer: There are several factors to consider. Determine what the picture will be used for. If the image will be used for commercial purposes you might price it differently than if someone were buying a photo to cover a crack on their wall. If a photo is very unique that would be a factor also. If you do work for hire, make sure you make a contract specifying the details. I recently purchased a book called Business and Legal Forms for Photographers. A book about pricing, such as this one, is available from Amazon.com.
8/5/99
Question: Sir, here's my dilemma:I'm getting married.
Planning the wedding was absolutely "nightmarish" what with all the fighting,
bickering, changing of minds, etc. that I decided to take control and just have a
simple civil ceremony in a courthouse -- a far cry from my "fantasy," but at
least I can call the shots now.However, regarding the honeymoon, tickets to where we're going in the
Caribbean have already been paid in full, as have the hotel and rental car fees.
My fiancé's brother's girlfriend recently E-mailed me that, " . . . if all goes as
planned, we'll be out there in October." Then I heard my fiancé on the
telephone giving the dates we're going to be out there to his brother. I became
concerned that he invited his brother, along with his brother's girlfriend, to our
honeymoon!!! This upset me tremendously, needless to say, since (i) it's my first
vacation with him in over four (4) years and (ii) it is, after all, my honeymoon. I
let my fiancé know in no uncertain terms that this was unacceptable to me. The
last thing I want is to go away on a long overdue vacation/honeymoon and have
his brother (w/girlfriend) tagging along accompanying us here and there.Please help me out. Thank you.
Answer: Most people wouldn't allow company on their honeymoon. Could it be that your efforts to "take control" and "call the shots" have prevented your fiancés friends and relatives from participating in his wedding? That could explain their attempts to participate in your honeymoon. A honeymoon is for the bride and groom. Did your fiancé invite them? If not, they should stay home.
8/3/99
Question: Hi there. I came across your page when I did a search for 'advice' and
'help'. Your page was the only one that didn't require a credit card!Anyway, here's my problem: My boyfriend of 1 year and best friend of 8
years work at the same company, both work the midnight shift. (She referred
him for the job). They're ALWAYS hanging out together either after work
(when I'm asleep) or during the day (while I'm at my job). They don't think
this is a big deal, but it bothers me. They used to not get along at all.
When I told my boyfriend that it bothered me that they spend so much time
together, he told me I'm being paranoid, and that I must not trust him.
Maybe I don't. I guess I've seen to many movies, read too many books, etc.
about men leaving their women for the woman's best friend. I'm pretty sure
nothing's happening between them now, but in time, who knows what could
happen? Am I being paranoid, or do I have a valid reason to be
uncomfortable with the situation?I'm not just bothered by this because I think they'll fool around, but I'm
afraid that if they become friends, I won't be able to talk to my best
friend the same way about my boyfriend. She always listens and comforts me
when I complain to her about my boyfriend (when we fight or argue.) If she
becomes close to him, she'll become biased and may even take his side.
Should I talk to her about this? What should I do about this situation???
I feel like the bad guy. I could use some advice.Answer: My advice is this: (no credit card required!) Print the e-mail you sent to me, then show it to both of them, one at a time. They will know exactly how you feel and they won't have the opportunity to interrupt you to make you doubt yourself. Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if you were seeing one of his friends more than you were seeing him! If he tells you it wouldn't bother him, then what does that say about his feelings for you? Confirm or dispel your suspicions as soon as possible.
7/31/99
Question: When taking pictures of animals (pets for example) what are some things
that can be done to make the picture, picture perfect? DeniseAnswer: Keep the picture simple and avoid distracting backgrounds. Make sure you are not too far from the subject. Here is a picture I took of my sisters cat. Today a friend, (Steve Pothier) sent me a link to a page from Boston.com containing pictures of pets. Steve's picture of his dog is on page two.
7/29/99
Question: I have a question. Do you remember a restaurant on Rt 1 (Saugus) called JOLLY JORGES? I think it was spelled that way for some reason it stuck in my mind a no one remembers it. Thanks Steve. ZSLZSL123@aol.comAnswer: After the previous 2 questions, this one is a breeze. Steve, I think Jolly Jorges disappeared when I was a teenager. Surely I rode past it many times in our Ford Falcon, but its exact location eludes my memory. I do remember seeing a picture of it in the back of an SHS yearbook. There are two references to it in my Guest Book. Viewers have been invited to send their e-mail to Steve with info on Jolly Jorges.
Question:
Hi Jim, I can see you've been busy updating. I have a question. I need a Web site for
the office. I want to do it as soon as possible. I saw a web site that I
liked, ******.com. Could you check out that site and give me some advice on building a similar site? Thanks, SRAnswer: Glad you asked. Since you are a relative of mine, I could build you a Web site similar to the one mentioned as a favor to you. Or I could work with you to show you how to build it yourself. The next thing you'll need is a host for your site. I recommend hosting the site with Saugus.net. They're a local Web services provider and host many Saugus businesses and organizations. Contact Saugus.net's president at sales@saugus.net
Saugus.net also offers Web design services. Let me know what you decide and thanks for writing.
Question: Bye the way, my daughter, now fifteen, wants a career in
photography.....any advice? Keep up the good work.
GKAnswer: First, I would recommend visiting a local library to find books on the subject. Also, looking at quality photography, in books, on calendars etc. helps one learn what makes for a decent photograph. A subscription to a photography magazine might make a nice gift.
Next time you or your daughter attend a wedding, talk to the photographer and ask how they got started. It seems to me wedding photographers have the best luck making money in the business.
Advise your daughter to talk to a guidance counselor at school. They could provide advice on pursuing career in the field, colleges etc.
The Greater Lynn Camera Club offers annual photography courses. You can find a link to their Web site on my Saugus Links page. I attended their course about 20 years ago and enjoyed it.
For a taste of what photojournalist work is like, I often listened to Boston Globe photographers assignments at 453.000MHZ. It's likely they use mostly cell phones these days.Lastly, have your daughter read my photography tips page.
Question: How many people were in the United States Armed Forces in World War II and how many are alive today? Thanks in advance.
HankAnswer: According to the 1991 Information Please Almanac (Houghton Mifflin,) 16,112,556 U.S. citizens were engaged in WWII. The total casualties from all causes was 1,076,245. How many are alive today? I could not determine that. Thanks for writing.
Question: My question is about one of the former businesses in town, Heck Allen's.
Does any one know where I can get the recipe for their Famous Fried Clams. This is for personal use. I am so hungry for real fried clams. I can be reached at: cookinrob@desupernet.net.Answer: That's a tough one. If you only want Heck Allens recipe, then we'll see if any readers can help. Good luck.
